Ghosts of New Year's Past (updated)

In my attempt to be all "WHOO IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE LET'S GET CRUNK UP IN HERE! WHOO! WHOO! HEY YA'LL IT'S ANOTHER NEW YEAR! WHOO!" (lmao at myself) I would like to mention how I've spent the last half dozen New Year's Eves.

31 Dec 2003: Lived in the 'plex and had a party with all the roomies. Our friend's band played downstairs and all the drinking was to be maintained upstairs. (FYI- I was 18) I got wasted, my ex-boyfriend showed up. I told him to fuck off and then proceeded to get even more drunk and make-out with one of my roommate's friends. The TV got unplugged in the middle of the countdown so we just guessed and yelled Happy New Year. OH! AND my friend/neighbor across the street stopped by and scared the guy who answered the door. I believe the scene played out like this:

Roomie: "I swear, whoever the fuck is knocking on this fucking door is gonna..."

Friend/Neighbor standing behind door. ( I better add that he is a very large Hispanic man... very large. )

Roomie: "Hello Sir."

Me (drunk and sitting on the floor): *laughing hysterically* "Hi 'friend/neighbor'"

Then we started the infamous prank war.

31 Dec 2004: Dyed my hair black. Got convinced into going to a party at a friend's house. Proceeded to say hi to the same people 3 or 4 times before they realized who I was. Drove my friend to the gas station because she was wasted and wanted milk and tortilla chips. Tried to have a 'theme song' at midnight but we all go so excited that we made the cd skip 3 times. Gave up and just yelled Happy New Year. Got kissed on the cheek by a friend, who I ended up sorta smooching on later. Went home at like 3 am.

31 Dec 2005: Was with "The ex" (aka - Fuckhead). Went out to dinner with him and one of my friends. His roommate was home so the 4 of us drank 2 bottles of champagne and then passed out around 2.

31 Dec 2006: For some reason I can't remember this one. This would be the first year that I was legal to go out and drink but I don't think I did that. Must not have been very exciting. Moving on.

**UPDATE: I literally had to ask a friend what happened that night and now I remember. I got in a fight with Fuckhead because he didn't want to go out by my friends for a party. So me and my old roomie went to the party without Fuckhead for a little while. I had maybe 1 drink and then we left. We watched some fireworks at my neighbors house around midnight and that was about it.**

31 Dec 2007: Made plans to go out with my roomie at the time and her family. Tried to talk my current boyfriend, DS to go out with us but he didn't want to intrude. Drank at the bar and listened to a band that we liked. Ran into my sister's band director from summer marching band (he's my age LOL). Hugged him, the roomie and the fam at midnight, got a text/voicemail from DS (no service in the bar). Called DS at 12:02 to say Happy New Year. Went home at bar close.

31 Dec 2008: DS and I didn't really want to go out and get wasted so we went and saw Benjamin Button and then went home and watched the countdown on TV. Quiet, but good.

This year, DS and I are planning to go grab some dinner and then maybe have a few drinks. Nothing huge. But it should be good. :-)

xoxo
Classy Bitch

So please, don't text while you drive...

I should be spoiled, but I'm not. My dad's side is Jewish and my mom was raised Catholic and now they're both... uh, neither one of those. So yeah, I celebrate my Jew power in my own special ways. And with CB's help of course. I haven't posted in over a month because the end of my semester was crazy busy, so here are my top 3 (maybe 4, or 5) things I'd like to talk about:

One. I'm not going to post anything about the person I said I was going to. I think I'm continuing to get over it and honestly, it's not worth building it up again. Maybe one day, but I don't need to acknowledge what a horrible person he is inside and out, when most people who know me already know that, and those that don't, don't need to. So, just trust me (CB can vouch on this), and this Christmas, give some money to some disease curing charity, and maybe one of them will find a cure for him.

Two. What the FUCKING HELL is the point of a doorbell? I mean, do they not look familiar to people nowadays? Do they not know how to use them? What they do? I mean, mine even glows for fuck's sake. 3 times in the last week people have come to my door and first they ring the bell. Then ring again. Then they knock! That's going to get my attention better?? Then the idiots who came by today knocked and knocked and knocked. Like, you break my window you die asshole. And they always try to open the screendoor, to what? Knock on my other door. REALLY? Holy fucking donkey balls Batman. I don't know if you get what I'm saying here but I wanted to open the door and scream FUCK OFF really loud. Or just yell thru the walls that I wasn't going to open the door anyways but am REALLY not going to now because you're STUPID. *nod* I rarely open my front door for anyone, but jesus christ if you've been standing there for 10 minutes and I am home and haven't opened, I don't want to open it for you! And if you've been standing there for 10 minutes and I'm not home, then you're dumb and I hope you slip down my stairs.

Three. On a positive note, my neighbor came over with his snowblower and finished my driveway and sidewalk for me, thank god. I was so not looking forward to shoveling. I got about 1/4 of it done and I got slower and slower. I just did it all 2 days ago. I do like snow, tho, unlike CB. But I think there should be heaters underneath streets, walkways, driveways, etc. So it can Charlie Brown snow all it wants and stay on the grass all pretty, but melt where it needs to. Oh it would totally work.

Ok so maybe there was just 3 things.

Happy Chrismakkah!!

...and no I'm not trying to be politically correct. I'm "spoiled". Since my father's side of my family is Catholic and my mother's side of my family is Jewish.... I get both damn it. And by the way, when you're a kid, it seems all awesome and great cuz HOLY SHIT you get 8 days of presents AND you get Christmas. Holy awesome-ness of a shit ton of gifts right!? Yeah, well when you get old... it's really not about the presents. (But shit, they're still fun!) That's when all that shit just gets confusing. I mean really, how do you raise a kid to have to different religions? Talk about a walking contradiction!

Anywhore, in daily news, here's what's going on.

I get to take my last final for this semester on Tuesday. Then, my friend Yupper and I are going to go get a drink (or 2, or 3) to celebrate the semester being over. I'm thinking Long Islands, woo! Then on Thursday DS and I are driving back to Less Far Away for Christmas. And I think that last night I volunteered us to make dinner. Which is fine, because dinner was looking a little dull and we weren't feeling it so I casually mentioned we could make something to go with it and somehow I managed to decide that we'd just make the whole damn thing. Whoops! But DS likes to cook and I like to cook and my sister wants to help cook so it really shouldn't be that bad to be honest.

Oh! And I got new boots! I have needed real winter boots for the last 2 winters. I have these plaid galoshes that keep the water and the snow off but I'll tell you, they aren't warm AT ALL! I live in the Midwest ya'll... it gets fucking COLD!! And the snow! I HATE snow. So basically I was doubling up on socks to make up for the lack of warmth. So this year I decided that since DS bought me a super duper cute new coat that I was definitely getting real boots. The ones I wanted were..well, not cheap.. but yesterday we went to the mall (yes, we are crazy sons-a-bitches) and I saw the boots I wanted for way not expensive! Plus! They were actually taller than the original ones. CB is happy!! And... ok.... so I hate the trend of tucking pants into boots. Mostly because I CANNOT pull it off. I can't make it look cute. Sucks! But, I can tuck my pants into these (cuz who besides me hates having wet jeans!) and I don't look like a moron. Super Plus!

And then... last night, DS and I were discussing my new boots at Best Buy (yes...I was THAT excited about boots!) and talking about how you can't really walk heel-toe when it's all snowy out because it's slippery and that's how you fall on your ass, you have to kinda 'march' so that you maintain some fucking traction... whatever. And THEN! Oh em gee.... couldn't have been more perfect timing. The dude walking directly in front of us took one heel-toe step off the rug onto the tile in Best Buy and he BUSTED HIS SHIT! Now, this makes me a terrible, bad person because no, I did not stop to make sure he was ok, 2 Best Buy employees were right there and they jumped to his aid and really... what the hell was I going to do. Plus (not that it makes it better) he was an able-bodied man. If it was an old guy, I would have stopped and made sure he didn't break a hip or something. So DS looks at me and he goes "See.... weren't we JUST talking about that. Wasn't he listening?" Which made me laugh. Because he was right. And to be honest, it's always funny when someone falls. I laugh when I fall all the time.

And now today, I'm going to take DS's presents out of hiding and wrap them along with all the other presents I haven't wrapped yet. And I need stamps. How exciting. Ah, well.

~Classy Bitch

Missed call

I'm struck with a decision to call or not to call. And in order to understand why I guess I need to give a little background.

I have a friend..let's call him Impossible. I've known Impossible for about 7-8 years. We started talking because I had another friend who thought he was cute and wanted to get to know him. After a year or so, we got closer and hung out a lot more and we would drive an hour or so to visit each other. Long story short, we had a really close relationship for about 2 years and then a big misunderstanding led us to stop talking for a year. We bumped into each other on-line and straightened the whole mess out and started talking more often. At that point, he had moved to another state to live with a family member and his then g/f. Over the next few years we would call and IM and still be friendly to each other. Then in 2007 he came up to visit a lot of people and included me on his list of stops. I made him the deal that I would go and visit him where he was living when I had the money available. That was also about the time when I was having a falling out in the relationship I was in. Impossible was someone I talked to very frequently about the situation (as I had in other past relationships...we could count on each other for support and advice). A few months later I had planned my vacation to visit Impossible for a weekend and about the same time, I had started dating DS. The trip kind of opened my eyes about him since he seemed to have the idea that much more was going to happen than a friend coming to visit. He never out right did anything or say anything about it, but I could tell. I came home and we still talked every few weeks. He had moved back up to the state I was living in but we never made plans to visit.

To bring this forward to the more current situation. Almost a year ago, I got a call from Impossible which if I remember was him telling me he was moving back to where he was living when I visited him. Then the phone call took a turn to discussing DS. Apparently, Impossible had really strong opinions about DS even though he had never met him. After defending my b/f and telling Impossible that he had no place to say those things he proceeded to tell me that he knew me better than anyone and a bunch of other crap that pissed me off. Since then, I haven't spoken to him. I decided that if he wasn't even willing to give my b/f a chance and meet him, that I didn't really want to talk to him or see him. And I haven't. I even removed him as a friend from certain website accounts.

Recently, Impossible has been calling and texting me but I haven't responded. He hasn't left any voicemails, but he's called at least 2-3 times. Part of me wants to answer and hear what he wants to say. Part of me knows that if I do answer, I probably won't be very nice. I wonder if I should speak to him and tell him exactly why he hasn't heard from me in so long. I also wonder if it makes me a bad friend because I just up and abandoned the friendship. *shrug* I guess I just have to wait and see if I feel ready to discuss the situation with him.

Funny Conversations with Doc Sexy

Laying in bed:



me: "I wonder who decided that they should be called Boobies?"


DS: "Maybe they should be call Yay-bies, cuz it's like Yay, Boobies!"


me: "Yeah, but maybe that sounds too much like Rabies or Scabies."


DS: "Then they'd think you were itchy or foaming or something"


me: "Bad idea...."


DS: "Or.. how bout Awebies, cuz they're awesome!"


me: *blink* *blink* "That sounds like you have a speech impediment."


DS: "Like 'Let's go to Awby's'...ooh.. curly fries from Awby's!"

Watching a movie:

me: "That seems like a good strategy to organize things."

DS: "What, have a fat cop do it?"

me: "No, the 'find a hole and just stick it in'."

DS: "heh heh.... yeeeaaaaahhh."

me: "OMG, that's not what I meant!"

Piece of mind

So, the other day something happened and in the nights that followed I got this idea to write a huge "piece" as a way of (hopefully) relieving some of the anger and hurt that continuously befalls me because of the other person involved. And, because after all the shit I've put up with, I feel I have every right to get it all off my chest and dis said other person to high fucking heaven and send it into the void of the internet cosmos so it can all float away into nothing. Because frankly, I'm so bloody tired of said other person, and honestly, he deserves it. Yes, he'll probably never hear a lot of the stuff straight from my mouth (tho my spine came out of hiding once or twice in the last few months) but I'm done caring about whether or not it really affects him (mainly because nothing will ever affect him to the point of realizing what a FUCKING IDIOT he is, and he'll continue on being the way he is and I'm done being a part of that!!!). Breathe... Ok so the point is, I am going to write this "piece" and post it. I'm not sure when I'll get to it but I'm going to do it. And who knows, maybe I will end up feeling better. I just have so much validity stored up inside me from how I've suffered that if I don't just go crazy and pour out the overflowing mess I will probably become stupidly jaded about things and I don't want to go there. I need to continue to move on and cross the point of no return, which I know is out there, I just have to keep trying to get to it. I need to be over said other person. He doesn't deserve anything from me, ever again. Least of all anything emotional on my part. (And I don't mean suffering in the "oo pity me I'm a victim" type of way... if you think that after you've read my stuff about it all then you can fuck yourself because you've obviously never dated a jerk).

I, however, am going out to dinner shortly and have to get ready, but I don't want to leave off in such a negative way (just you wait, Union Jane...), so here are a few things that annoy me, continuing CB's loverly list. Enjoy!

• Blackened fingers after holding a newspaper
• Old people who shouldn't have a license (that's a list in itself!)
• Cellphone cameras that are pretty good... but not that good
• The fact that my DVD player always pauses around 1 hr and 15 mins every time I use it
• Missing one of my shows because I set the VCR too early or because my mom forgot until 45 mins in
• How it's apparently a new rule for every fucking employee to say hello to you in JC Penney
• High sizes in women's shoes = sinfully ugly styles and 90% less selection
• People who take up the entire aisle at a store and either a) walk at the speed of a snail or b) stand there and expect you to go around them, with the accompanying dumbass look on their face
• Christmas decorations up since BEFORE Halloween
• Horrible versions of Christmas songs being blasted at ridiculous volumes
• Stores within stores competing with horrible versions of Christmas songs being blasted

There. I feel a little more relaxed now. *laugh* Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. I also love Christmas music. In fact, I turn on the Christmas radio station in my car and don't turn it off (not even change it) until December 26th. Even if they play a horrible version of something. (Granted, that's usually when some Mannheim Steamroller goes into my CD player.) OMG but anyway, I love Halloween more and I do not appreciate the ignoring of my holiday. Stupid malls. What the fuck was I talking about? Right so, lists are fun. I'm way too amused by the bulleting it does for you. Coming soon to this blog: The Piece.

UJ

P.S. I think I may do some editing to our page too. It's annoying me as well, for some reason.

A list of sorts..

So... I get bored in class really easily and then I just tune everything out and write crap down. The other day after a particularly funny lunch with a friend, I wrote down this list of things that get on my nerves. Mostly it's things that other people do. Feel free to chime in!

• Drivers who do not use turn signals.
• Professors who have super thick (foreign) accents that talk really fast and won't repeat anything.
• Students who tell me not to bitch about parking (as a commuter) when they live on campus and walk to their classes.
• Crooked bumper stickers.
• People who sit in my seat in a class when I clearly sit in the same place every day.
• Students who wear pajamas/sweats to class.
• Being on speakerphone and the other person keeps saying "What? What did you say?"
• Getting my period early and not having tampons.
• Breaking a nail super low so that I can't cut it.
• Getting flat hair on one side from taking a nap.
• Vegetarians who criticize that I eat and enjoy meat.
• Professors who start new topics when there's less than 5 min left in class.
• People who take more than 20 items through the express lane.
• Classes with mandatory attendance.
• Chairs/desks that are attached to the floor.
• Project leaders who don't dictate to the group.
• The toilet roll being empty.
• Being tailgated on the interstate when I'm already speeding.
• People who stand in the middle of the (not very wide) hallway between classes.
• Ugg boots.
• Dog fur on almost everything I own.
• Text messages that have no punctuation.
• Chipping my nail polish after it just dries.
• People who knock my shit over on my desk with their huge backpacks.
• My butt being incredibly sore from sitting in the car for 3 hours.

This list could go on forever because I find new annoyances every day. But this is what I got so far. Potentially to be updated at a later date.

The Burning Truth

My sincerest apologies for not posting anything on the 31st! In which case...

HAPPY BELATED HALLOWEEN!!!

Ok so there's quite a bit to update on and I will try to keep it as entertaining as possible. First, tho, the magnificent blogger website isn't letting me post any comments right now... so... to my loverly CB I say that you will do fine and get those B's in your classes. And if not, we will break into the school and change your grades. I've always wanted to wear a ski mask... And also in response to Dingo's last comment on my other blog, I would have probably been able to be way more creative if I wasn't trying to Halloween-ize the nickname of Union Jane. Such is life. No wait, such is anonymous blogging.

So when did I last mention Cpt. Nondescript? Does anyone even care? I certainly don't. I've realized that in order to continuously post extremely sarcastic and whimsical blogs there has to be somewhat sarcastic and whimsical things happening to me. And, I guess, most of the time there's not. But, when it comes to Cpt. Nondescript I just want to do as much damage as e-humanly possible. In fact, I am going to change his nickname one more time (I swear) to Manic Panic. Not that I want to dis the hair dye, but, believe me it fits.

So Manic Panic hasn't had a relationship in over 2 years. And his longest relationship lasted about 3 months. Clue #1 I suppose, and I certainly know why now. But, I have so much experience and know so much about my heart and therefore myself (italics represent that tone of "little did I know") that I apparently felt confident enough to push along with him. And boy did I have to push. He freaked out the first time saying he was afraid of me. That's literally what he said. He called me up late one night, said he couldn't sleep and that that was why. I'm like, you better come up with some other explanation because not only am I completely confused but I think I may want to punch you in the face. Type of thing. He then tried to explain that he was "emotionally afraid" and for the first time I think possibly ever, I was speechless. Not that I always have something to say, and by no means am I saying what I say is always right, but I usually have a quick reaction in SOME way. Not this time. I think at that moment my brain was trying to tell me that this was not worth it and I needed to get out as quickly as possible, but that "little did I know" tone came back and I just had to be the one with all the answers and suggestions and solutions. Over the next few days we talked. And talked. And fucking talked. Well, actually I talked and he just whined. It was left at him needing to think and then a few days later he showed up at my house saying that he had just never gotten this far connected to someone and got a little scared. I thought and unfortunately said, it's ok.

Yeah, well he freaked out again. And then he said he had "lost romantic feelings for me." I said to him that I'm very good at picking up and discussing emotions and therefore he was the one to blame. Because not only did I pick up on him always being all over me, wanting to cuddle, needing to always be touching me in some way, doing this, doing that... but he was saying things like, "Well, I don't think we're ready to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but I want more." Pardon? You fat fuck? What the hell. I was getting more annoyed by the minute and even though I know I'm quite capable of "taking the weight" (thank you Ozzy), I was becoming more aware that Manic Panic was SOOOO not worth it. I started to do that whole talking thing again after freak out #2, but spent some time thinking. I included my past, present and future in all this thinking. I included conversations with other people, including The One (which actually helped, imagine that). Basically, I realized I didn't have to fret over saying fuck off because Manic Panic is just that, and insecure, timid, immature. It literally was just not worth it. I realized it wasn't worth it to feel insulted that a fucked up son of a bitch like him had no "feelings" for me, because my "feelings" for him never went past oh yeah I guess he's cute. *sigh* Whatever. That is over and done with. He was technically a part of my Halloween costume of characters, and he did show up, but he didn't really talk to any of us and one of my besties (who gets the nickname of Spaz) kept him company until he finally left. It was awkward and weird and the air felt heavy when he was there, but, it was Halloween. I danced, I sang, I got drunk and I had a fucking blast.

The other thing is another reason why I had a fucking blast. I made the conscious but split decision to text someone and invite them out with us that night (Halloween, in case you forgot in a matter of seconds). This is one time I really wish I could explain the nicknames fully, because this one is fucking hysterical, but this person will be called Passion Fruit. He will be called Passion Fruit. PF is an ex-boyfriend. We dated when I was a senior in high school, and for about 2 years. Since then, we would pop up in each other's lives time and time again. There was always something there, and we sometimes talked endlessly about getting back together. It was never constant and we'd drift off again, but we'd still come back like magnets. Well, the first time the getting back together idea was really strongly enforced was when I was still dating The One, so that was obviously not gonna happen. I, unlike the Asshole, do not cheat. The second time, however, The One and I weren't together anymore, but, there was still something that I couldn't get past so once again nothing happened. After all that thinking, and stuff, I realized that it was just emotional and mental stuff I had to physically get past and then all the chains were broken. So, there happened the conscious but split decision. I was going to invite PF out and tell him that I wanted to give us a try.

Well, I invited him. He came out. (I have to say it) We totally made out twice in the parking lot (which must have been weirdly funny considering what I was dressed up as). We talked. We drank. We sang. We had fun. I had fucking fun. It was an incredible Halloween. After Vodka Man's show we went to another show of our friends and hung there for a bit (which was sometime between 2 and 3am). Then me, PF, Vodka Man and Grumpy (Vodka Man's "ex bastard") went to a diner to get food. Oh! So backtracking a tad... on our way to the other show I seriously had to pee. It was only 5 or 6 blocks to the other bar but I had to go right then. So I pulled into a gas station and me and Vodka Man went in ('cause I didn't wanna get killed or anything) and their bathroom "wasn't working." Yeah right. So Vodka Man bought a roll of toilet paper and I totally pee'd by their dumpster! HAHAHAHAHA I'm sorry I've never done that before. I was smashed and really had to pee! Happy Halloween motherfucker! Fix your loo!

Anyway, after the diner we all split and PF and I drove back to my house (his car was there). We had silence and a few tickle fests and more making out and the sun came up and he left around 6:30. We text since then and basically, I've said most of all I've wanted to, and he is thinking. I just really hope it's not too late (which unfortunately I never considered) because, once again, why would all of this have played out the way it has (and I don't just mean Halloween night) if there wasn't a reason? So, I'm waiting. And I'm going mad in the process. Honestly, I'll be in completely and utter shock if he declines. And I don't know how I'll handle it. Wow. I think I just scared myself...

Ok, well, that was long. But that's all I wanted to include really. I hope y'all (aka our one reader) had a magickal Halloween and remember, if someone says their bathroom is broken just because it's late at night, pee somewhere on their property! LOL. Bitchin'.

UJ

Seriously? W.T.F.

So, currently I SHOULD be paying attention in my MIS class. But seeing as how I can barely understand my prof and his voice annoys me and I already DID the thing he's talking about, I have chosen to ignore him and post. It's way better.

Anywhore. My day started out pretty amazing. I got up and actually got to see Doc Sexy before I left for the weekend. I had to pack up my cats and the Foo to come with me from Way Far Away and I didn't have to fight with the boys for an hour to get them in the crate...which is a miracle and a half. Then, when I left the house and went to get gas, all of the gas stations (and there's 5 at the same intersection) said that gas would be $2.79, so I just picked the closest one (which also happens to have the coffee drink I like) and got out to pump. Imagine my excitement when the pump said $2.63 instead! That's 16 cents! So then I went in and since my fave coffee was out of order I got my second fave, went to the register and paid and the cashier says, "Would you like a free Butterfinger?" I almost screamed "YES" at her before I took it and went back to the car. I guess I should mention that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Butterfingers! They're in my top 3 favorite candy bars. And then it went down hill from there.

It was cloudy when I left Way Far Away and then it started doing this shitty "sprinkling" crap that you can't really turn the wipers on for, but it still makes the window all spotty. My cats would NOT shut up. I got to listen to them cry and howl for almost the whole 3 hour trip. Traffic sucked since it was "raining" and it took 3 hours instead of my usual 2 hrs 35 min to get to my g-ma's house. I didn't get to have lunch with Noodle (my usual Tues/Thurs lunch buddy) because she's sick and at home. I got a shitty grade on my Accounting mid-term which I thought I did really well on.... it just hasn't gotten better.

Speaking of midterms! O.M.G. I had way higher expectations of myself. I took my stats test on the 12th and I wasn't too sure how I did. I got it back the 19th and I actually got a B. With the curve. I was pretty pleased with that. I took my finance test on the 15th and thought I did pretty well when it was over. NOT! I got a 68.8. Yeah. How shitty is that!? But seeing as how there was one question that only 3 people got right, my prof gave us 2.2 pts back and I ended up with a 71. I'm still not happy with that. I took my MIS test on the 13th and I still don't know how I did because that prof hasn't posted the grade yet. My accounting test was the 20th and again I thought I did pretty well. We got that back today... 77. Seriously?! The one test that I thought I totally fucked up was my best grade?! Not cool. Really not cool. I know I have a lot on my plate right now but I really studied for the finance and accounting tests and thought I knew the material really well. WOW... guess not. So now I have to bust my ass the rest of the semester so I can at least pull a B in those classes. 8 more weeks.....8 more weeks.....kill me now.

Other than that, things are decent. UJ and I had lunch on Monday (woo!! LOVE YOU UJ!) And after this month is over I think we're going to have lunch every Monday afternoon because her house is not too far out of the way when I drive up. YAY! Not much else is going on LOL. How bad is that?

9 days til Halloween!!
Classy Bitch

If only my hair would cooperate

So I've just been having the most incredible day. Last night I had THE worst nightmare I've ever had in my life. (Yeah, nightmares...that's a story for a different day...) It woke me up around 12:15 a.m. and I cried for a solid half hour. But, when my alarm woke me up at 6:30, I felt great. Like, that's-not-possible-with-my-nightmares great. No side effects. No headache. No feeling heavy or slow. My eyes weren't even puffy. Then my photographs got the exact reaction I was striving for in class. I returned home to find my new skull and crossbones shoelaces had arrived which means I can FINALLY wear my newest pair of Converse. (Every Converse lover knows there are two rules: 1) the first thing you do is dirty them up and 2) the second thing you do is get new laces!) Then I hopped online and checked my other class grades and I got 8 out of 10 on my midterm quiz! That does put me at a B but if I ever get that stupid library book assignment done then it'll give me my A back. (10 questions for a midterm is great, unless you miss 3 or more...) Not to mention my favorite TV show is on tonight (and yes, it's a new episode!) and next Monday I am having lunch with CB!!! Wow. I'm just, like, all happy today. Even with this crap weather. But don't worry, I will still have plenty of sarcastically entertaining blogs in the future. I'm not Dr. House. There's no chance of my snide remarks vanishing.

UJ

P.S. And I just scored a "no misspellings" according to spellcheck. Bonus.

Clap? Punch! Punch the fucking woflman in his ugly gob.

We've got a pretty good orange/red rotation going, so I thought I'd keep it up. Too bad I have nothing interesting to talk about, or anything worth bitching about. I mean, I could dig deep and certainly come up with some shit but I tend to only make swearing funny when I'm truly aggravated about something. *laugh* I've got such a busy week ahead of me. And only 26 days until Halloween. How ever will I manage?

UJ (yeah, totally can't think of a Halloween-related name to stick in)

And another thing...

Whew! This was a long long weekend and my feet will never forgive me! Between the rain and the puddles and the boots and the running around (For scary purposes of course) my feet are so sore. But, since it was so nice out yesterday it made up for the suckiness of the rest of the weekend.

Anyway, the purpose of this particular entry was to get something off my chest. Again. I tend to rant and rave about this topic to UJ a lot and I'm sure she's sick of it but it just keeps coming back to annoy me and make me mad.

So, remember when I was talking about the wedding and I was bitching about Adulterer and Oblivious? Well... here's a funny thing. So I'm looking at a photo album on-line from such wedding and dumbass posted a picture of him!! Not only did she post it, but she did so knowing DAMN WELL that his WIFE signs on to his "personal page" and could very easily look at Oblivious' pictures because her page is not private. HELLOOO!!!!! HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE!?!? Oh! and it's labeled "My love" Honey.. he don't love you! You know he's cheated on his wife before with other women and you know that he keeps going back to her! He's not getting divorced, he's not leaving her, he's playing you for a fucking fool!! GEEZ!! Ugh, it's so frustrating and disgusting and I've pretty much come to the point that I can't even say anything else because how many times can you point out to a person that she's doing something wrong? I'm two seconds away from just emailing pictures of them to the wife so she can see what he's doing. I don't want Oblivious to be miserable but she's just digging herself deeper and deeper into a hole and he's just going to disappoint her. And I'm sorry... I cannot and will not be there for her when he does. As much as she's my friend, I cannot feel bad for her in this situation. And I really don't care if that makes me a bad friend. So fucking what.

Anywhore, besides that nonsense, I'm still uber sleepy. I can't seem to catch up. Maybe when October is over. But at least it smells fantastic outside! I <3>

Classy Witch (get it... witch... Halloween is coming... LOL)

Only happy when it rains

I just wanted to note that this is also my favorite time of the year and Halloween is also my favorite holiday. Hell, it's my favorite day. Ever. Period. And that I miss CB very, very much. Especially since the last time we got to spend Halloween together was 2007. I'm getting very ancy. Only 29 more days...

Oh and a little update, in case any of you (CB... that one other person who left a comment...) were wondering... things have progressed quite a bit with Lt. 180. And I am promoting his nickname to Sgt. 180. 'Nuff said for now. None of you really care anyways. It's ridiculously cold and rainy - and perfect Fall weather - and I have a cut on the inside of my friggin' mouth that has been hurting for 3 fucking days. Oh my God if I could heal normally. *shakes head* I have a full night of cleaning ahead of me and a dinner party tomorrow night... following the dinner/cake/presents party for my nephew who is turning 1! Happy early birthday to him, cutest baby ever. (I don't think babies are cute. But my nephew is friggin' cute.) Ugh, then there's my homework. And decorating (I know! What the hell, it's the 2nd and I haven't been able to decorate yet!). Good grief. It's the great fiasco Charlie Brown.

Boo-nion Jane ;-) (that kinda looks like bunion, doesn't it?)

Can I hibernate yet?

*yawn*

I intended on posting something really complex and detailed and all that good stuff but that's just going to have to wait for another day. This week is certainly a hell week for me. I drove up from "Way Far Away" on Sunday, went back Tuesday and drove up again this morning and my eyes are super heavy. (I don't get to go back to "Way Far Away" until Tuesday. And that means I don't get to see Doc Sexy or my pups til then.) *tear* I actually took a nap in my car in the school parking lot from 11:00 - 11:40 this morning. In the backseat even. I even contemplated skipping lunch for more sleep but my stomach argued with me on that so I got up.

However, it is officially my favorite time of year. I was driving home Tuesday night with my windows down because a) I was sweating and more importantly b) it smelled like Fall outside! I love Fall. I love October. Halloween is my favorite holiday and since I have a Halloween-type job all of October, I don't get to pick my own costume. That makes me a little sad because most years I would start planning in the middle of summer what I would be for Halloween. *sigh* It's alright though, I have fun doing what I do on the weekends. Scaring people for a paycheck!!

That's my update for now. I shall return once I've had more sleep. Which probably won't be until Wednesday. So, don't forget about me!!

BOO! (hehehehe)
Classy Bitch

Not even one flag

First off I would like to say... Happy Fall! "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" Secondly, I would to say... BLOODY FUCKING HELL. Now that I've got that out my system, I shall explain.

Yesterday. Monday. An increasingly evil day, as I get older, I've noticed. Funny how that works. Actually, I need to start with last Friday. I had a little "slip up" and joined this other dating site (why do I do that to myself? and to be fair, I have already deleted my account) and as usual, felt uncomfortable with it, but it was really late and I was just angry. I guess. This was on the 19th or something. Anywhore, Thursday night I start chatting with this guy - whose nickname will be Lt. 180. Friday I find out all my friends are meeting up at this gay bar we all used to go to when one of our other friend's worked there, so I thought 'why the hell not' and hopped online when I got home. If he was online, I would invite him out. If not, then no biggie. Well, he was and he agreed to come out. A little info on Lt. 180 right quick: he's one year younger than me (hence the Lt. bit LOL), 6 foot freakin' 5, never been to a gay bar before. So we all get to the bar and we're hanging out, drinking, smoking, the usual. I come outside and my friend Uh Oh (omg if you knew the story behind that nickname you'd be laughing and going straight to Hell at the same time!!) goes, "He's here." I said, "How do you know?" She said, "Because he pulled up, asked if I was ____ and where he should park." So I run around and tel all my friends (mostly gay guys other than Uh Oh) that he's here. Eventually he walks up and eventually we're inside and eventually I'm really getting the feeling that he's totally not into me. I ask him if he's really uncomfortable and he says yes. I ask him if he's uncomfortable enough to leave, and he says yes. I was a little shocked you could say. So we end up outside round the corner a bit talking and he asks me if I feel a spark. I say, "Well, I think I had an answer to that but judging by you asking me the question, I'm guessing my answer isn't the same as yours." He shook his head no. Then, thru a conversation drowned in 'I'm sorrys' and whatnot we start talking about being hopeless romantics. Which I am, which actually - apparently - led me to say some things he really understood, because he's one too. Not only do I know the way we think, but I have Crazy Brain Syndrome (copyright by ME... don't worry, you do not want to have it) as well. We talk and talk and I realized, and said to him actually, that I wasn't just disappointed because of everything I've gone thru with guys, but because there was just some reason that he was unbelievably cool to me. (Cliff note: he really made me laugh. He made me laugh to the point where I wasn't thinking about The One or anything else to make me feel horrible at the same time.) I guess I could shorten this up a bit... he ended up staying the whole night and he gave me some nice (albeit innocent) kisses towards the end (which ended up being 3:30 am). I'm really not sure how else to explain it or what else to say but I still feel a little bit like I forced this to happen by not just saying 'ok fuck you go away,' but then how strongly can we cling to the what ifs and still be sane? I don't know. We had an hour-ish long convo on the phone on Saturday and we've text a little and email a little during the day while he's at work. I'm not sure if it'll go anywhere, but, I think I'm quite glad that I know him. I think we could be friends.

Saturday. VBF (the gay guy who runs a certain show that they have at bars - damn all this being vague! lol)... actually, VBF is so not creative enough for him. So, his new nickname will be Vodka Man, which, if you knew him, is still not creative but oh well! Anywhore, Vodka Man called me and was all, "So, you're coming out tonight right? Right??" I wasn't going to. I had tons of crap to do and I had no extra money for food or drinks, blah blah. Vodka Man says, "No, no, you're going to come here, leave your car and drive with us. AND I'll get you some food. AND I'll come to your house sometime next week and cook for you." I said, "You still owe me a pop-in-chef visit for my birthday the year we met...like, 3 years ago." Vodka Man says, " Oh. Well, I'll still drive you and feed you. YOU'RE COMING." I agreed, duh. So we're there and one of our other friends came out (ooo, what to nickname him... "The Yeahmeister") and it was all fun and stuff. There is this guy who is a regular at Vodka Man's Saturday show, that Vodka Man told me he wanted me to meet. That was weeks ago, and I did meet him and it had been pretty obvious to me that nothing was gonna happen. He's cool and all but we never really talked and he always seemed to have to leave when I got there. But anyways, last night he was there and he was sitting at our table, so, being the awesome flirt that I am, I tore a piece of napkin, wrote "you're cute" with a smiley face on it and passed it to him. Yup. That's what I did. He wrote back, "Do you wanna go steady? Y or N circle one." LMFAO. I wrote, "You're mocking me. Ass." He wrote, "But I have my letter-man jacket waiting for you." It pretty much continued like that except for him saying that "of course he thinks I'm cute," that I "sing like an angel," and "what is your number?" Yeah, hello, he asked for my number. I gave it to him. Vodka Man vouches for him (not that friendly vouches haven't failed me in the past) so why not? Well, he totally hasn't called me. Granted, he may have been too drunk to remember what the fuck the notes were about, or even lost that one particular napkin. But, I mentioned it to Vodka Man the other day, saying I wondered if he was going to call. Vodka Man said, "He may, he may not. Don't worry about it is what I say." And while I almost always feel like Vodka Man is on my side, this time I just feel a little dissed. Like, he made this big deal out of the fact that there was to be this huge set up between me and Slow (nickname, ta da) and then I finally came out a bit, flirted, gave him my number, he isn't calling and I'm just supposed to be ok? I'm not, like, looking for flings here people. Stop messing with me.

Sunday. The weather Sunday night was retarded! We had tornado watches and an extremely intense thunderstorm came thru. Granted, it only lasted an hour at most, but it was pretty weird for the end of September. And the fact that every 5 minutes I got a weather text about tornadoes or something. I was picturing being woken up by the tornado siren, my power being out, having to find my cat in the dark, get her in the cage and run downstairs. Jesus, could I even think in that situation? Anywhore, by the time I got into bed everything had calmed down. Then my cellphone charger wasn't doing anything when I plugged it in, again. Then, it broke (which may have actually been Monday morning) so my phone is now - at the time I'm writing this - completely dead and I'm hopefully going today - Tuesday - to get a new charger. Monday night there was going to be some huge fair at my school and they decided to use the parking lot in front of the building it was in and the one in front of MY building (and not the lot on the other side, which was obviously logical). Which isn't attached. Which has nothing to do with the fair!! Some 5,000 people were to be expected so I went 45 minutes early to class... to find that the parking lot was maybe 2% more full than usual and so I was seriously early. Awesome. Then, we got out early (a break! NOT FOR LONG SUCKER!!) and it was pouring. So we all put on our hoods from our hoodies and I walked to my car in horizontal rain and flip flops. I first drove over to my parents because they had taped one of my Monday night shows for me (I taped my other) and found out their power had gone out so they couldn't tape it. That. Blew.

Oh, my god. So I think that's everything. Oh did I mention I missed my Monday morning class? Yeah, which means... well, nothing really, except that I just have to catch up with the one assignment which is no biggie because my program at home isn't working like the one at school (same program, yay technology) so my teacher is going to walk me thru it anyways... wow I sound really inept... But still. And I repeat, BLOODY FUCKING HELL. I'll be glad when this week is over. I have so much shit to do today, too, thank god I have no class. And now I'm pissed and hungry. "Holy Hell! Where's the Aspirin?" (10 pts if you know the movie)

UJ

Whoa-oh-oh

I'm seriously thinking about moving to Russia. And that's all I really wanted to say. Oh, that and I have a new obsession. His name is Chris Colfer.

UJ

Lonely

Ooo, bad us for not posting in a while! We've been busy little bees. Well, CB has definitely been busy with moving south (for the winter?) and I've been busy dealing with the stupidity of men. Haha. Not fully, but that's the first thing that popped into my head.

A little update for all one (apparently) of you who read our blog: I dumped Cpt. Stoneage a week ago. And if what I am about to say makes me sound a little like a vindictive bitch, so be it... but it felt pretty damn good. I was thinking this is probably for a few reasons. 1) My relationship before that is hard to explain. Check that, it's too long and too crazy to fill anyone in who wasn't along for the ride. I think CB would agree. But, when it came time for us to admit defeat, he got there first. We "dropped the title of boyfriend/girlfriend" and were "just dating." Whatever-the-fuck that meant. *rolls eyes* I will admit I was ok with accepting that confusing bit at the time because I still loved him. I still love him now. Very much. And I think I've said it before that it's still very possible he's the one. But... with everything we had been through, it was horrible for him to be the first one to say "alright that's enough," in good ways and bad. So, after going through that and then being utterly shocked, angered and put off by Cpt. Stoneage's complete disregard for, um, living, I was not at all hesitant to end it. I'd be disliking him more and more for weeks and when the last straw became a bundle of last straws I just had to stop myself and say, "Ooook, no more worrying about this douche bag. Done." 2) Going back even further to my divorce. I spent months trying to change whatever I could so the Asshole (have I mentioned that nickname yet? Well, that's his nickname) wouldn't leave. Or whatever. Course finding out on your 3 year anniversary that he's cheating on you - for me anyway - switches flips and leaves them permanently on or off. Love went off and anger went on. I guess I was the one who set the divorce in motion, but I had still tried so hard for so long to make it work. Guh, and you know, just re-hashing this in a blog kind of makes me wanna McVomit a little. (Oh, McVomit is what I use for barfing now... it stemmed from the nicknames on Grey's Anatomy. Yeah.)

Where the fuck was I going with that? Oh, so yeah, no problem breaking that tie. I kind of want to throttle his fat ass just for the hell of it, but, as my intelligence has reminded me before, he's not worth it. Most of them aren't. Plus, he's CB's friend and for HER SAKE ONLY I wouldn't want to cause any drama. Unless she'd be ok with it 'cause I really would love to whoop his ass. Hmm...did I ever give that other guy a nickname? Oh. I did. The One. Ha.

Wow, I am hungry. Do I want to eat now, or do I want to wait a few more hours and possibly go out to lunch and get the most amazing pizza in the world? Hey that's what snacks are for yeah? I didn't really have anything to post today, except for the little snippet of gossip. But in case CB still isn't quite e-settled, I shall return sooner rather than later.

UJ xxoo (I think I may drop the xxoo...it's a little too Gossip Girl for me...)

Pancakes, Whoppers and Burritos!

Whew! What a weekend! Since Doc Sexy and I moved last weekend to "Way Far Away" I have spent way more time in my car than I'd care to remember. But we had to spent A LOT of time in it this weekend.





Saturday morning we had to get up super early, drive 3 hours northeast to drop off the pups at the kennel (we really like our kennel and haven't found a new one yet), DS dropped me off at an audition (which went swimmingly) and then we had to drive another 1/2 hour to my old apartment to change and drive 1 hour west to the resort that my friends were GETTING MARRIED at!! Oh em gee we were in such a hurry to get there on time, we literally sat down and like 5 minutes later the ceremony started, offiicated by.... Cpt. Stoneage. Yeah, talk about a touch awkward considering UJ's recent situations with him. But, seeing as how he is also my friend I wasn't a big ol' meanie, but I did basically avoid him for the first few hours. The ceremony however was lovely and then we went to check in and get our room. OMG, the room. First let me explain that our resort was straight out of Dirty Dancing. Our TV had 3 channels - religion, public television and we think scrambled cartoon porn. The air conditioning unit looked 30 years old and the closet scared me. Plus, we had this door in the bathroom that was locked and we think that Patrick Swayze (rest his soul) was hiding behind there. So, we're sitting in the room and I'm fixing my hair, DS found some weird channel with bear maulings on it and then around 4:30 we were going to wander around. Come to find out there was free beer, wine and soda from 3 til 5.... WTF?! No one told me this shit or I would have been drinking a fuck of a lot sooner! So seeing as how I has put jeans on we went to the room to quick change and then had a few beers outside.



There were tables set up for 8 people in the reception hall. So me, my mom, my sister (Spanky), Doc Sexy were obviously going to sit together. Plus, another friend and her husband (I'll call them.... Cheerleader and The Counter lol.. to be explained later) were going to sit with us since they didn't really know anyone else. That left 2 chairs. Since Cpt. Stoneage knows my family and Cheerleader/The Counter from marrying them I didn't want to be mean and make him sit with random people he didn't know (since he isn't much of a talker to begin with!) and pretty much everyone envited him to sit with us so he made up chair #7 which left an empty one. Well.... to add a bit of a dramatic part to the story I need to make a little sidenote here:



A friend of mine - I don't know if I've nicknamed her before but this time around I'll call her "Oblivious" - is involved with a married man. And without getting into the whole story, since I don't have a month to catch everyone up, I don't agree with it and neither does her friend Cheerleader. We pretty much agree that what Oblivious is doing is wrong and what the man (Adulterer) is doing is disgusting and disrespectful and wrong and many other adjectives. Well Adulterer was coming to the wedding. However, he told his wife that he was going to Doc Sexy's bachelor party. Doc Sexy and I aren't getting married yet that I'm aware of and I told oblivious that I didn't think we needed to be involved in someone lying to their wife. It's a really dramatic situation and apparently I'm the only person who had enough balls to say anything. (Until this weekend... but I'll get to that)



So... Oblivious asked Cheerleader if it was ok that Adulterer sat in our last chair. Seeing as how she can't be mean to Oblivious, she said fine and then ran to come make sure I wouldn't get up and leave the table if he sat down. We discussed how we felt abou the situation and I made it clear that I would keep my mouth shut during dinner but only for the bride and groom's sake but I would under no circumstances be nice to Adulterer if I even spoke to him at all. Well, he didn't make his appearance until like 45 min after we all ate. Which was funny because our table was placing bets on whether he was going to even show up at all. After dinner the bar opened up again and we started drinking.... and drinking and laughing and drinking and laughing and that was how most of the night went on. The Counter got his name because after dinner we saw Adulterer show up and he said "Hey, we should keep track of how many times he leaves to go talk to his wife!" So every time he left the room with his phone our group would yell out the next number!! It was so mean but we kept doing it!! Then they started playing the song the Cupid Shuffle and that made me and Doc Sexy and Cpt. Stoneage BUST out laughing because when we all went to dinner a few weeks ago with UJ we were discussing something and DS named it the Cripple Shuffle. Which sounds really mean taken out of context...and it is kinda mean but really... you had to be there. (I wanted to text you at the time UJ because it was so funny but my phone was all the way in the room and it would have taken me forever to go get it.) So the part of the song that goes "to the left to the left ....to the right to the right..." was added to the list of funny shit that happened that night along with all the Swayze jokes because of the look of the hotel.



Then the garter/bouquet toss came. DS didn't want to participate so he stayed sitting down and The Counter said, "Well dude! This IS supposed to be your bachelor party so you're getting married! You don't have to go up there!!" Which made everyone laugh and DS wrapped a drinking straw around his finger like a wedding ring to add to it. (Let me add here that the more we all had to drink the funnier every little thing became.) Then Oblivious came by and told DS that he should be up there because Adulterer was and Cheerleader (and I love her for this) says "PSH! He ain't single!!" which made Oblivious a little mad so she walked away. And we all high-fived Cheerleader for it! I told her that I had way too many beers in me to be allowed near him because I had no more filter from brain to mouth. More laughing and drinking and dancing and talking and counting (we got up to 8 by the time the reception was over) and then they started emptying the reception hall.



We moved our group outside and were discussing that we all were super hungry since it was 11:30 and dinner was already 5 hours behind us. We started talking about Taco Bell since it was the closest food place (20 min away!) and then DS and I wanted pancakes and then someone mentioned Burger King so our list of food went to Pancakes, Whoppers and Burritos! Then Cpt. Stoneage (who didn't not have any alcohol all night because of the distance of his drive) said that White Castle is usually really good when you're drunk, so we added THAT to the list of food too!! After that I saw Adulterer walk by and I said "Gimme an I, Gimme an N, Gimme an F, Gimme an I, Gimme a D, Gimme an E, Gimme an L, Gimme an I, Gimme a T, Gimme a Y... what's that spell?!" and Spanky says..."Infidelity?!" I said, "I was never a cheerleader, so I'm not so good at that." And Cheerleader says, "Oh! I was! GIMME AN I!" super super loud and then she put her hand over her mouth and we all started laughing again because Adulterer was literally 5 feet from us. Then DS was telling a story about an old crazy neighbor of ours and said something about an accelerant and Cheerleader thought he said "eating celery" so we made a ten minute joke about celery being a drug! (This is what happens when you have 4 drunk people together kids... trouble I tell ya!) We were about to go to our rooms and The Counter and Cpt. Stoneage shook Doc Sexy's hand and said, "Thanks for inviting me to your bachelor party man, it was fun!" Then Cheerleader and The Counter came to our room cuz we were going to TRY to order a pizza. That didn't work so well since every pizza place either didn't deliver that far out or was closed. The bride's friend came back with BurgerShots from Burger King for everyone so we all gathered in one room to eat a few and then go back up to bed around 2.



About 3 am I hear some really weird, loud noise so I got up and walked around our room first thinking that it was the air conditioning because there was a note saying it might freeze up (omg...really?!) but it wasn't coming from the a/c. I walked around the room more and had no idea where it was coming from so I laid back down. A few minutes later I heard people yelling in the hall so I got up and opened the door. There was a weird fog/haze in the whole hallway of the 2nd floor where we were and the people across the hall were packing and going outside. IT WAS THE FIRE ALARM!! So I woke up everyone in my room by turning on the light and yelling "That's the fire alarm...GET OUT!" My mom and Spanky went right outside, I grabbed cell phones and DS and I went downstairs and were looking around to see what was going on. My mom had woken Cheerleader and The Counter up so they would go outside too and everyone finally made it out of the building. We stood outside for awhile and I ran over to the main building of the hotel hoping someone was working there. The whole building was locked and no one was there... at all. So about 3:30 the first squad car showed up with the first fire truck and then about 10 minutes last we had 8 fire trucks, 1 ambulance and 2 cop cars. They finally searched the whole building and it turned out that someone had pulled a fire extinguisher off the wall and sprayed it all over the 2nd floor which was what made all the alarms go off and the weird haze. We finally got to bed and then left the hotel in the morning around 8:30 since DS and I had to pick up the puppies before 11. We got back to Way Far away around 1:30 and needed a nap from all the chaos.

Now it's back to homework, school, work and all the other less fun stuff but the wedding was a lot of fun and a nice little break in the monotony.

xoxo
Classy Bitch

Damn the Man

I really can't take this shite. I mean, I know there are people in the world who are just fucked in life. Born with an unimaginable illness, living in a third world country, orphaned, cursed, etc. But I never considered that I might be one of them.

For someone who has always said I "wear my heart on my sleeve" I sure should look into getting at least a see-thru cover for it or something...because this is getting ridiculous. I am a hopeless romantic. Old-school. Vintage. I say "my heart knows me better than I know myself so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'." Of course, not so severely as to warrant what's happening to me, but in a kind of "I'd rather live in a movie but know that I'm not" type of way.

Everyone can probably say they've had their share of bad relationships. I have too. But the "bad" isn't really the typical of bad. It's horrifyingly beyond stupid/arrogant/annoying/I want to pull my eyelashes out one by one type of bad. I got married when I was young. Clue number one some would say, but I always knew I'd do that. I'm very strange and sometimes that old-school vintage part of me gets carried away. I did it. So the fuck what? Needless to say we got divorced. And as much as it was a brick in the face, I walked away a better person. I'm still walking away from that, but who's to say when you have to be healed? Now I am not just saying this for the sake of the blog, but I was the victim (although I hate that word, I can't find a more fitting one) in that relationship, and so I would think the years that followed would be like an opened door to a world I was missing out on. No regrets, just lessons learned, and I was ready. Right? Right?!

Wrong. Oddly enough, one part of my life that was NEVER important to me started blossoming. And I'm fine with that now. I've come a long way and traveled down a path I though I never would, and I love it 99.9 repeating % of the time. Great. Fantastic. But... the part of my life that has always been a defining aspect of who I feel I am, started to do things that I'm really tempted to just throw a tantrum about at this point. I mean, unfair is unfair and I just can't take much more. Relationship #1 after my divorce was over before it started. I wasn't really attracted to him and he immediately clung to me. Always shoving me up against walls to make and such. You'd think that would be a wonderfully passionate thing, but no, I was not feeling it at all. And we had sex, and that just made me cry for hours. I didn't care, I was going thru this horrible thing emotionally and mentally, and this guy was just getting out of control. I made him sleep on the couch. Then when I told him I wasn't ready he said, "Oh, yeah, that's fine. You were getting a little too attached to me anyways." The next one was with a guy who "wasn't really ready to have a girlfriend" but decided to date me anyways. I didn't necessarily care because I think I was overly happy that I was attracted to him after Mr. Denial. Things were ok. When he was around. He had this thing where he'd disappear for days, a week, maybe more. Then when he decided to call me he'd wonder why the fuck I was upset. Listen asswipe, if that's your thing then 1) you're a douche bag and 2) you should have just told me so I wouldn't freak out. (By this point, I felt like I was in a real relationship, and let me tell you, the things you try to do and the shit you worry about after going thru a divorce...wrecks havoc on you completely.) So that lasted about a year and he has been given the title of worst boyfriend ever. By the end I was so tired of his MIAness that when I met the next boy, I never really ended it. Fucking hell he was never around anyways. Then came The One.

That relationship started like a dream. Started like I had never experienced before. We met, became friends, talked on the phone, blah blah, then he asked me to be his girlfriend. Great. Fantastic. We had epic things in common. I was unbelievably attracted to him. Everything else in my life was going alright, so hey, this must be it right? Right?!

Wrong again. Honestly, he still may very well be The One. But, he's also the Asshole, the Psycho, the Inconsiderate Prick. The Fucker, the Insane, the Stupid, the Macho... the list goes on. I mean for something to be so right, there was probably 2 to 1 bad for every right. After time, it was depressing. I was hurt so often. I cried so much. And after time, one by one everything disappeared until we finally couldn't be together. (Which, by the way, was a very weird thing for me. There's always been some reason... "I don't love you." "I hate you." "I'm an alien." But to have it be purely circumstantial? Seriously weird...and seriously heartbreaking.) That story is far from being a closed book, but that's not the point of this blog (oh my gawd there's more??)...

Not too recently I told CB (oh, so we're executives now? We only use our initials? Cool. Someone get me a secretary and tell him - notice how I said him - to make me some friggin' coffee!) that it was her new goal in life to find me a guy who wasn't a douche bag. A daunting task, yes. But she didn't actually have to do any finding, and it was maybe the next day or so that her friend and I started talking. Fast forward a little and we've had a few dates, he's met my parents, and we've had a few conversations about how we feel and what we want. Blah blahbitty blah. He sends me this long message about how he feels and how he wants to make sure we can "make it work" (seriously, you are 5 years older than me, you don't know any bigger words to use in a phrase?) before we get too attached. I guess that makes sense. We live in different states. Not horrendously far, but far enough to where we're limited to the weekends for, well, anything. Full time job, own place, seems to be smart and not a douche bag. Alright we'll see. Fast forward a little more and one day he says, "As far as I'm concerned, you and I are an official us. We just need to verbally confirm it." Uuuum, ok. Fine by me. I really liked him and it seemed like a welcome break in the insanity. Deep down I knew something would pop up eventually, but still, a welcome break. And I deserved to be happy even though The One was still The Mess, right? Right??!!

WRONG motherfucker. Apparently not. Apparently I just may be one of those people who somehow got placed in a fairly comfortable place but is doomed to have everything but the one thing that truly should mean the most. Cpt. Stoneage, current mess, is starting to become another douche bag in a long line of predecessors. And I am not happy about that. Not. One. FUCKING. Bit. I mean, yeah he's a guy but cooooome ooooooon. How long do I have to do this for? So we have our little Friday night ritual. There is somewhere I go every Friday night and all my friends are there, including one of my very best friends. He has met them all and made a pretty good impression. And for the last 4 weekends, I've had to explain why he wasn't there. Or, look stupid all night because even I didn't know. Or had my night ruined because half way thru I find out he isn't coming and lo and behold, another weekend bites the dust. Two times it was because he fell asleep (once the power went out), once he decided that seeing this band on Saturday was more important than seeing me. This last Friday. Now, here is the topic at hand. (Finally! You stupid twat, finish the damn story so I can move on with my day!)

By 10pm I was starting to have fun. Everyone was there. It was a bittersweet evening (that very best friend I mentioned? It was his last Friday night at this place) and I was trying to be excited that my boyfriend was finally coming out. 11pm, no bf. Midnight, no bf. Now, Cpt. Stoneage is a texter, and texts me thru out the day while he's at work. The last text I got was probably around lunchtime that day. I had since texted him but gotten no response, figuring he had gone home and to sleep, because he needs a nap before the drive and the fun. Or, whatever. By 12:30, my VBF (guess his nickname will be very best friend) said to me, "He's probably on his way." 1am. 2am. Nothing. No text. No phone call. I felt sick (well, I have been sick for almost 2 weeks) and now I was angry and incredibly stressed and it was giving me a headache. So, on VBF's last night, I left an hour early. I couldn't sit there anymore. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK.

Saturday. I wake up and have a text from Cpt. Stoneage from 6:30 that morning saying, again, that he slept straight thru until morning. Now here's where we get the nickname. Apparently, he's too stupid to use a fucking alarm! (Not to mention, one of those other weekends, I had called him, and he TEXTED me back to say he "saw that I called." Are you kidding me?) He was soooo sorry and sooo mad at himself. (Yeah, you fucking should be.) I woke up around 11 or something, and decided to text him back at 1:05. I said, "we need to talk." I called him at 3:27. No answer. Today, sunday. STILL NOTHING. Not a text or a phone call. And I'm not trying him again because I am not at fault here. HE is the one that should be trying to get a hold of me. And the thing is, I can totally picture him not even realizing that I may be mad. What the fuck dude, are you dead? You better fucking be dead. And I'll just bet my life that he still went to that show last night. That stupid fucking band. Bet he'd NEVER sleep thru that.

So, that is my story. Sad but true. And who knows how this is going to end, but I'm just about ready to say FUCK YOU. I make my mistakes, but I never seem to be in such wrong with the bf's. Are you all just complete assholes? I shake my head at all this. Tonight I am going to try and squeeze into my television because my Addams Family double feature DVD is in there. And I'm going to live happily ever after with my Raul Julia Gomez. That's sexy right there.

I could cry that it's not real.

Isn't there someone I can pay for this?!

I'm moving in 2 weeks and....

I hate moving.

Ok... so it's not the moving part that I hate, it's the packing. Oh the packing. It's so tedious. Ya gotta sit there and look at all the stuff you own and decide what box is it going in, can it really be packed away now, does it need bubble-wrap. OMG I love me some bubble-wrap... amazing stress reliever. *pop* *pop* Just amazing. I started packing back in May. DS was going to be staying in my apartment *gasp* since his lease was coming to an end and it just made more sense than anything else. I cleaned out my closet and rearranged my room and put a bunch of stuff in totes and boxes and the trash. My closet....that was a feat in itself. I wouldn't say that I'm a hoarder but I have a hard time getting rid of little things that essentially have no use but have a little bit of sentimental value. I have VIP lanyards from concerts, 'collectibles', band stickers. I'm never going to use this stuff but I still packed it away in a box so that, most likely, it will probably stay in a box in a new closet. Anywhore, I got a bunch of stuff cleared out so that DS had room for his stuff. Now is about the time that I need to focus on the rest of the apartment. I need to start packing away everything else. I keep procrastinating. I'll open a cabinet and think, "Well, no I can't pack that, I might need it before we move." "No, I can't pack that 'cause I don't know if that's even mine." (I have a roommate.) "I guess I could pack that." So I've ended up with about 3 boxes that are half filled because I get annoyed with the whole thing and just leave it to go do something else. Today I'm going to make an honest attempt to put a lot of stuff away. I scanned the apartment the last few days to see what I knew I could pack and I'm going to start with that.

I'm actually getting a little excited to move. I've lived in the same city for the last 18 years. I've lived in different places around the city but I've been here since I was a little kid. It'll be an interesting change of scenery. Of course I'm going to miss people but I keep saying, "Look guys, I'm not dying.. I'm just moving further away." Plus, I'm going to be driving up to my school (which is in the city I currently live in) twice a week for classes. It just made more sense to finish my last year of school here instead of transferring and it taking longer and costing more. I'm not looking forward to that drive but it's only for a few months. Even after that, it's only a few hours in the car to get to people that I'd want to see. (and UJ of COURSE you're included) I guess I'm just ready to try something new.

~xo~
CB

"Could you be a little more vague"

Oy! Ya ever have one of those days that starts out completely dull but you have all these great intentions for what you're going to accomplish, only for it all to get shot to hell and something weird or crazy happen? Yeah, yesterday was totally one of those days.

I got pretty excited yesterday morning when it was raining and gloomy because I knew then there was nothing that was going to distract me from what I was doing. I, unlike UJ (omg, I now love saying U-J in my head... it's fantastic, you should totally try it!), do not get frequent weather updates so unless I get my happy ass to check the weather channel or whatever, I have no idea what it's going to do outside and yesterday, I was perfectly content with rain and gloom. Rain and gloom is good packing weather. Did I pack yesterday? Hell fucking no! I kept looking at stuff and thinking to myself, "I guess I could totally put that in a box... but... no, I might need that. How 'bout this... no, I don't even think that's mine.." And so nothing got put in a box, lots of things got picked up and looked at, but nothing went in a box. Well, The Boys were in boxes all day but that's just because they like hiding from the Melon Noggins (she's big..they don't like her). I did however manage to piss off a friend yesterday. This post is not intended to dive into that little situation going on in my life so I'll save that for a whole 'nother day. Last night was when the fun began.

Doc Sexy wasn't feeling so hot Tuesday night. He came straight home from work and didn't go to the gym - highly unusual since he goes 5 days a week - and all he did was lay down. Yesterday he said he felt 'ok' on the morning and he went off to work. I get a text at 4:30 telling me he's waiting for test results and he's "going to be there awhile". Seeing as how he works in a hospital I had to ask if they were HIS test results or a patient's. They were his. I didn't really think anything was too terribly wrong since I knew he wasn't feeling well - his stomach was being weird and painful - and I figured he was just going to get checked out. Since he was in the walk-in, I kept getting little snipits of answers so I really didn't know what was up. I went to my Boot Camp work-out because he said he was fine and was just going to be waiting for results. I get back to my phone and he's now in the ER. Sidenote here: Boot Camp is outside, in the grass and on pavement. I get dirty and sweaty. At the time of driving the ER I had mud streaks on both my knees and my hands and was a little stinky. I'm sure I looked fantastic! So, anywhore, he was waiting for an IV and going to be getting a CT scan so I ran back home, showered in approximately 3 minutes, fed the dogs and shoved a chicken sandwich from Mickey D's down my throat on the way back to the hospital. I don't remember what it tasted like. He got to the ER at 5:30 last night and we didn't leave until after 10:30... close to 11. The doctor listed a bunch of stuff that he DIDN'T have but they had no idea what it actually was. So they gave him a couple of Rx's and out the door we went. I then got the pleasure of picking up his meds. 2 kinds, 32 total pills. How long should that take at 11:00 at night to fill in an empty Walgreens? They tell me 15 min so I wander around and finally just sit in the little pharmacy waiting area because I'm exhausted (I go to bed at 9:30 people) and annoyed. The 4 people (yes FOUR! at 11 pm) weren't in much of a hurry to get me out of there since in took longer than 15 min. Might I add that I was the ONLY customer filling a prescription at this time. So annoyed, hungry and tired, I went home. Doc Sexy is fine...he's home today eating very carefully and resting and taking his meds. Hopefully this was just some weird fluke and it doesn't get worse or anything. I realized however, that I'm just like my dad when it comes to people being in the hospital. My dad gets really edgy and snippy and anxious and last night I was definitely the edgy and anxious. I'm fine if it's me in the hospital bed but I was all sorts of goofy. I was at Mickey D's and forgot to pull up after paying. I had to triple check that I unplugged the crock-pot at home. Little things. I know that I am being a little sketchy with the details but I'm sure DS wouldn't want me divulging all the details of his evening.

I'm hoping that today is a little less eventful. Maybe I'll actually pack today! As of right now, I'm trying to type with a big ol' dog head resting on my arm. It's kinda heavy. I've already gone across town to my mom's and back twice (I forgot the key to get into her house.) and went to the bank. Oh and on my travel's I saw some chick riding a bike, mind you it's raining, and I have major issues with people who ride their bikes in the street. First of all, the traffic signs and signals do still apply to you. You don't get to keep going through a stop sign just because you have a bike. And second of all, stay out of the way. Sure, sure, they have a right to be there, but I have a right in my car (which is bigger than your damn bike!) to be in MY lane and not have to drive into oncoming traffic to avoid your bike. It's just bugs me.

And so...

"Nobody move! I've dropped me brain!"

~xo~
Classy Bitch

"Is that...a dragon?"

I have this bedtime ritual of going to pee, then laying in bed and playing Scrabble on my cellphone until I can't keep my eyes open anymore, going to pee again, and then crashing for the night. It's a little bit funny (this feeling insiiiiide...) to me because I always "graciously" point out how certain people I know practically have their cells plastered to their faces, and most nights I can't fall asleep without having some Scrabble time. I guess that's not really the same thing as always being on a call or falling into a ditch you didn't see because of constant texting... but still. It's like the one thing that I really, really love my phone for. Well, not the ONLY thing, but it's MY thing. Why did I open with this? Right, because last night I tried to go to bed without playing Scrabble. And instead of tossing and turning and thinking about nonsense, I started to write a new post for this blog in my head. Of course, by the morning I had completely blocked out the inner-monologue, and then by the time I remembered I had done so, I completely forgot anything I was going to say. Hence, this ridiculous introduction.

I get the day's weather text messaged to my cellphone from, I believe, the weather channel? And I also signed up for severe weather alerts. Every morning (actually, NOT every morning, which always boggles my mind when it skips a day) I get the "morning, night and tomorrow" forecasts, usually followed by a separate text for the next day's high and low temps, including the percentage or precipitation. Great. Fantastic. Except any kind of prediction of weather is usually wrong. I know this, and knew this previously, so oh well. But the thing that always gets to me is when I get an alert. It almost ALWAYS over-reacts and sends me the same exact message 30 times in 20 minutes (fact... I counted). Or the first one will say something like "A Flash Flood warning has been issued" followed by 16 more that say "A Flash Flood warning update has been issued." Thank you. And the update is?? Not once has it told me the update. And why must it arrive in my inbox 16 more times? I eventually just created a folder in my messages just for the weather texts. I don't mind enough to cancel it (or is it that I don't remember where I even signed up for them, hmm...) because in a way, it's one of the rare constants in my life. (Wow, that's sad.) And I do have to counter this rant with another factual story in all fairness...

I was in a different state, though only about an hour, hour and a half away from home, and I got an alert saying a tornado warning had been issued for the town in which I live. I more or less brushed it off to it being Spring and went about my business. Then I got at least 5 more straight away. So, I rang my folks and they confirmed the bad weather that was quickly approaching, and I asked them to head to my place and bring my cat downstairs if an F-anything touched down. A little more time passed and I got alert after alert after alert. I mentioned it to the people I was with and they started calling home. It was bad everywhere. Tornadoes had been sighted. So I try to reach my folks again. I can't get them on their house line, their cells, or at my house. Panic strikes and I'm trying to avoid thinking about the Wizard of Oz and hoping my cat lives through whatever is going on back at home. Maybe 30 minutes later I get in touch with them and they were at my house, in the basement, with my cat. A little while later I was outside with someone and the storms that had just left our hometown were now steadily creeping up on where we were at that time. The lightening was incredible. Every second it seemed -- in fact, I think there was some record set by how many strikes per minute, and it was some insane number in the 100s. The wind was making it rain sideways and the thunder shook you so deeply you could swear you heard your bones rattle. When we finally departed for home, the flooding was so bad it made some roads impassable. We had no choice but to trudge through a few and if I had opened the door, gross black water would have poured in. And we were in a van. Exiting off the expressway back in town, the road we exited onto was closed because the power was out for miles. It was a little unsettling to come home to a pitch black town. It was like everything was wiped out completely, leaving only a dark nothingness. The damage was thankfully less than expected, but still pretty bad in some areas. Upon returning home I found that I had power (which is unusual for my side of the street) and my cat still had all 9 lives. On a side note: I love how if you call Com Ed to report a power outage, one of the first things the automated voice says is to "visit their website." Douche bag. I have no power.

Well, that was pretty tame for a good anecdote. I guess I should be thankful for the days that don't inspire anything more crass. I leave you with a bit from a hysterical cartoon that I stayed up an extra 30 minutes to watch last night, not knowing that with the new HDTV (progress my ass! There's a topic for a good thwarting!) there is a a whole channel devoted to the programs usually shown along with this cartoon.

Jester: "So learn from the boy with bells on his hat and magic in his shoes."
Dragon: "And fire in his fair if I lose count again!"

Union Jane xxoo