Not even one flag

First off I would like to say... Happy Fall! "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" Secondly, I would to say... BLOODY FUCKING HELL. Now that I've got that out my system, I shall explain.

Yesterday. Monday. An increasingly evil day, as I get older, I've noticed. Funny how that works. Actually, I need to start with last Friday. I had a little "slip up" and joined this other dating site (why do I do that to myself? and to be fair, I have already deleted my account) and as usual, felt uncomfortable with it, but it was really late and I was just angry. I guess. This was on the 19th or something. Anywhore, Thursday night I start chatting with this guy - whose nickname will be Lt. 180. Friday I find out all my friends are meeting up at this gay bar we all used to go to when one of our other friend's worked there, so I thought 'why the hell not' and hopped online when I got home. If he was online, I would invite him out. If not, then no biggie. Well, he was and he agreed to come out. A little info on Lt. 180 right quick: he's one year younger than me (hence the Lt. bit LOL), 6 foot freakin' 5, never been to a gay bar before. So we all get to the bar and we're hanging out, drinking, smoking, the usual. I come outside and my friend Uh Oh (omg if you knew the story behind that nickname you'd be laughing and going straight to Hell at the same time!!) goes, "He's here." I said, "How do you know?" She said, "Because he pulled up, asked if I was ____ and where he should park." So I run around and tel all my friends (mostly gay guys other than Uh Oh) that he's here. Eventually he walks up and eventually we're inside and eventually I'm really getting the feeling that he's totally not into me. I ask him if he's really uncomfortable and he says yes. I ask him if he's uncomfortable enough to leave, and he says yes. I was a little shocked you could say. So we end up outside round the corner a bit talking and he asks me if I feel a spark. I say, "Well, I think I had an answer to that but judging by you asking me the question, I'm guessing my answer isn't the same as yours." He shook his head no. Then, thru a conversation drowned in 'I'm sorrys' and whatnot we start talking about being hopeless romantics. Which I am, which actually - apparently - led me to say some things he really understood, because he's one too. Not only do I know the way we think, but I have Crazy Brain Syndrome (copyright by ME... don't worry, you do not want to have it) as well. We talk and talk and I realized, and said to him actually, that I wasn't just disappointed because of everything I've gone thru with guys, but because there was just some reason that he was unbelievably cool to me. (Cliff note: he really made me laugh. He made me laugh to the point where I wasn't thinking about The One or anything else to make me feel horrible at the same time.) I guess I could shorten this up a bit... he ended up staying the whole night and he gave me some nice (albeit innocent) kisses towards the end (which ended up being 3:30 am). I'm really not sure how else to explain it or what else to say but I still feel a little bit like I forced this to happen by not just saying 'ok fuck you go away,' but then how strongly can we cling to the what ifs and still be sane? I don't know. We had an hour-ish long convo on the phone on Saturday and we've text a little and email a little during the day while he's at work. I'm not sure if it'll go anywhere, but, I think I'm quite glad that I know him. I think we could be friends.

Saturday. VBF (the gay guy who runs a certain show that they have at bars - damn all this being vague! lol)... actually, VBF is so not creative enough for him. So, his new nickname will be Vodka Man, which, if you knew him, is still not creative but oh well! Anywhore, Vodka Man called me and was all, "So, you're coming out tonight right? Right??" I wasn't going to. I had tons of crap to do and I had no extra money for food or drinks, blah blah. Vodka Man says, "No, no, you're going to come here, leave your car and drive with us. AND I'll get you some food. AND I'll come to your house sometime next week and cook for you." I said, "You still owe me a pop-in-chef visit for my birthday the year we met...like, 3 years ago." Vodka Man says, " Oh. Well, I'll still drive you and feed you. YOU'RE COMING." I agreed, duh. So we're there and one of our other friends came out (ooo, what to nickname him... "The Yeahmeister") and it was all fun and stuff. There is this guy who is a regular at Vodka Man's Saturday show, that Vodka Man told me he wanted me to meet. That was weeks ago, and I did meet him and it had been pretty obvious to me that nothing was gonna happen. He's cool and all but we never really talked and he always seemed to have to leave when I got there. But anyways, last night he was there and he was sitting at our table, so, being the awesome flirt that I am, I tore a piece of napkin, wrote "you're cute" with a smiley face on it and passed it to him. Yup. That's what I did. He wrote back, "Do you wanna go steady? Y or N circle one." LMFAO. I wrote, "You're mocking me. Ass." He wrote, "But I have my letter-man jacket waiting for you." It pretty much continued like that except for him saying that "of course he thinks I'm cute," that I "sing like an angel," and "what is your number?" Yeah, hello, he asked for my number. I gave it to him. Vodka Man vouches for him (not that friendly vouches haven't failed me in the past) so why not? Well, he totally hasn't called me. Granted, he may have been too drunk to remember what the fuck the notes were about, or even lost that one particular napkin. But, I mentioned it to Vodka Man the other day, saying I wondered if he was going to call. Vodka Man said, "He may, he may not. Don't worry about it is what I say." And while I almost always feel like Vodka Man is on my side, this time I just feel a little dissed. Like, he made this big deal out of the fact that there was to be this huge set up between me and Slow (nickname, ta da) and then I finally came out a bit, flirted, gave him my number, he isn't calling and I'm just supposed to be ok? I'm not, like, looking for flings here people. Stop messing with me.

Sunday. The weather Sunday night was retarded! We had tornado watches and an extremely intense thunderstorm came thru. Granted, it only lasted an hour at most, but it was pretty weird for the end of September. And the fact that every 5 minutes I got a weather text about tornadoes or something. I was picturing being woken up by the tornado siren, my power being out, having to find my cat in the dark, get her in the cage and run downstairs. Jesus, could I even think in that situation? Anywhore, by the time I got into bed everything had calmed down. Then my cellphone charger wasn't doing anything when I plugged it in, again. Then, it broke (which may have actually been Monday morning) so my phone is now - at the time I'm writing this - completely dead and I'm hopefully going today - Tuesday - to get a new charger. Monday night there was going to be some huge fair at my school and they decided to use the parking lot in front of the building it was in and the one in front of MY building (and not the lot on the other side, which was obviously logical). Which isn't attached. Which has nothing to do with the fair!! Some 5,000 people were to be expected so I went 45 minutes early to class... to find that the parking lot was maybe 2% more full than usual and so I was seriously early. Awesome. Then, we got out early (a break! NOT FOR LONG SUCKER!!) and it was pouring. So we all put on our hoods from our hoodies and I walked to my car in horizontal rain and flip flops. I first drove over to my parents because they had taped one of my Monday night shows for me (I taped my other) and found out their power had gone out so they couldn't tape it. That. Blew.

Oh, my god. So I think that's everything. Oh did I mention I missed my Monday morning class? Yeah, which means... well, nothing really, except that I just have to catch up with the one assignment which is no biggie because my program at home isn't working like the one at school (same program, yay technology) so my teacher is going to walk me thru it anyways... wow I sound really inept... But still. And I repeat, BLOODY FUCKING HELL. I'll be glad when this week is over. I have so much shit to do today, too, thank god I have no class. And now I'm pissed and hungry. "Holy Hell! Where's the Aspirin?" (10 pts if you know the movie)

UJ