Missed call

I'm struck with a decision to call or not to call. And in order to understand why I guess I need to give a little background.

I have a friend..let's call him Impossible. I've known Impossible for about 7-8 years. We started talking because I had another friend who thought he was cute and wanted to get to know him. After a year or so, we got closer and hung out a lot more and we would drive an hour or so to visit each other. Long story short, we had a really close relationship for about 2 years and then a big misunderstanding led us to stop talking for a year. We bumped into each other on-line and straightened the whole mess out and started talking more often. At that point, he had moved to another state to live with a family member and his then g/f. Over the next few years we would call and IM and still be friendly to each other. Then in 2007 he came up to visit a lot of people and included me on his list of stops. I made him the deal that I would go and visit him where he was living when I had the money available. That was also about the time when I was having a falling out in the relationship I was in. Impossible was someone I talked to very frequently about the situation (as I had in other past relationships...we could count on each other for support and advice). A few months later I had planned my vacation to visit Impossible for a weekend and about the same time, I had started dating DS. The trip kind of opened my eyes about him since he seemed to have the idea that much more was going to happen than a friend coming to visit. He never out right did anything or say anything about it, but I could tell. I came home and we still talked every few weeks. He had moved back up to the state I was living in but we never made plans to visit.

To bring this forward to the more current situation. Almost a year ago, I got a call from Impossible which if I remember was him telling me he was moving back to where he was living when I visited him. Then the phone call took a turn to discussing DS. Apparently, Impossible had really strong opinions about DS even though he had never met him. After defending my b/f and telling Impossible that he had no place to say those things he proceeded to tell me that he knew me better than anyone and a bunch of other crap that pissed me off. Since then, I haven't spoken to him. I decided that if he wasn't even willing to give my b/f a chance and meet him, that I didn't really want to talk to him or see him. And I haven't. I even removed him as a friend from certain website accounts.

Recently, Impossible has been calling and texting me but I haven't responded. He hasn't left any voicemails, but he's called at least 2-3 times. Part of me wants to answer and hear what he wants to say. Part of me knows that if I do answer, I probably won't be very nice. I wonder if I should speak to him and tell him exactly why he hasn't heard from me in so long. I also wonder if it makes me a bad friend because I just up and abandoned the friendship. *shrug* I guess I just have to wait and see if I feel ready to discuss the situation with him.

Funny Conversations with Doc Sexy

Laying in bed:



me: "I wonder who decided that they should be called Boobies?"


DS: "Maybe they should be call Yay-bies, cuz it's like Yay, Boobies!"


me: "Yeah, but maybe that sounds too much like Rabies or Scabies."


DS: "Then they'd think you were itchy or foaming or something"


me: "Bad idea...."


DS: "Or.. how bout Awebies, cuz they're awesome!"


me: *blink* *blink* "That sounds like you have a speech impediment."


DS: "Like 'Let's go to Awby's'...ooh.. curly fries from Awby's!"

Watching a movie:

me: "That seems like a good strategy to organize things."

DS: "What, have a fat cop do it?"

me: "No, the 'find a hole and just stick it in'."

DS: "heh heh.... yeeeaaaaahhh."

me: "OMG, that's not what I meant!"

Piece of mind

So, the other day something happened and in the nights that followed I got this idea to write a huge "piece" as a way of (hopefully) relieving some of the anger and hurt that continuously befalls me because of the other person involved. And, because after all the shit I've put up with, I feel I have every right to get it all off my chest and dis said other person to high fucking heaven and send it into the void of the internet cosmos so it can all float away into nothing. Because frankly, I'm so bloody tired of said other person, and honestly, he deserves it. Yes, he'll probably never hear a lot of the stuff straight from my mouth (tho my spine came out of hiding once or twice in the last few months) but I'm done caring about whether or not it really affects him (mainly because nothing will ever affect him to the point of realizing what a FUCKING IDIOT he is, and he'll continue on being the way he is and I'm done being a part of that!!!). Breathe... Ok so the point is, I am going to write this "piece" and post it. I'm not sure when I'll get to it but I'm going to do it. And who knows, maybe I will end up feeling better. I just have so much validity stored up inside me from how I've suffered that if I don't just go crazy and pour out the overflowing mess I will probably become stupidly jaded about things and I don't want to go there. I need to continue to move on and cross the point of no return, which I know is out there, I just have to keep trying to get to it. I need to be over said other person. He doesn't deserve anything from me, ever again. Least of all anything emotional on my part. (And I don't mean suffering in the "oo pity me I'm a victim" type of way... if you think that after you've read my stuff about it all then you can fuck yourself because you've obviously never dated a jerk).

I, however, am going out to dinner shortly and have to get ready, but I don't want to leave off in such a negative way (just you wait, Union Jane...), so here are a few things that annoy me, continuing CB's loverly list. Enjoy!

• Blackened fingers after holding a newspaper
• Old people who shouldn't have a license (that's a list in itself!)
• Cellphone cameras that are pretty good... but not that good
• The fact that my DVD player always pauses around 1 hr and 15 mins every time I use it
• Missing one of my shows because I set the VCR too early or because my mom forgot until 45 mins in
• How it's apparently a new rule for every fucking employee to say hello to you in JC Penney
• High sizes in women's shoes = sinfully ugly styles and 90% less selection
• People who take up the entire aisle at a store and either a) walk at the speed of a snail or b) stand there and expect you to go around them, with the accompanying dumbass look on their face
• Christmas decorations up since BEFORE Halloween
• Horrible versions of Christmas songs being blasted at ridiculous volumes
• Stores within stores competing with horrible versions of Christmas songs being blasted

There. I feel a little more relaxed now. *laugh* Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. I also love Christmas music. In fact, I turn on the Christmas radio station in my car and don't turn it off (not even change it) until December 26th. Even if they play a horrible version of something. (Granted, that's usually when some Mannheim Steamroller goes into my CD player.) OMG but anyway, I love Halloween more and I do not appreciate the ignoring of my holiday. Stupid malls. What the fuck was I talking about? Right so, lists are fun. I'm way too amused by the bulleting it does for you. Coming soon to this blog: The Piece.

UJ

P.S. I think I may do some editing to our page too. It's annoying me as well, for some reason.

A list of sorts..

So... I get bored in class really easily and then I just tune everything out and write crap down. The other day after a particularly funny lunch with a friend, I wrote down this list of things that get on my nerves. Mostly it's things that other people do. Feel free to chime in!

• Drivers who do not use turn signals.
• Professors who have super thick (foreign) accents that talk really fast and won't repeat anything.
• Students who tell me not to bitch about parking (as a commuter) when they live on campus and walk to their classes.
• Crooked bumper stickers.
• People who sit in my seat in a class when I clearly sit in the same place every day.
• Students who wear pajamas/sweats to class.
• Being on speakerphone and the other person keeps saying "What? What did you say?"
• Getting my period early and not having tampons.
• Breaking a nail super low so that I can't cut it.
• Getting flat hair on one side from taking a nap.
• Vegetarians who criticize that I eat and enjoy meat.
• Professors who start new topics when there's less than 5 min left in class.
• People who take more than 20 items through the express lane.
• Classes with mandatory attendance.
• Chairs/desks that are attached to the floor.
• Project leaders who don't dictate to the group.
• The toilet roll being empty.
• Being tailgated on the interstate when I'm already speeding.
• People who stand in the middle of the (not very wide) hallway between classes.
• Ugg boots.
• Dog fur on almost everything I own.
• Text messages that have no punctuation.
• Chipping my nail polish after it just dries.
• People who knock my shit over on my desk with their huge backpacks.
• My butt being incredibly sore from sitting in the car for 3 hours.

This list could go on forever because I find new annoyances every day. But this is what I got so far. Potentially to be updated at a later date.

The Burning Truth

My sincerest apologies for not posting anything on the 31st! In which case...

HAPPY BELATED HALLOWEEN!!!

Ok so there's quite a bit to update on and I will try to keep it as entertaining as possible. First, tho, the magnificent blogger website isn't letting me post any comments right now... so... to my loverly CB I say that you will do fine and get those B's in your classes. And if not, we will break into the school and change your grades. I've always wanted to wear a ski mask... And also in response to Dingo's last comment on my other blog, I would have probably been able to be way more creative if I wasn't trying to Halloween-ize the nickname of Union Jane. Such is life. No wait, such is anonymous blogging.

So when did I last mention Cpt. Nondescript? Does anyone even care? I certainly don't. I've realized that in order to continuously post extremely sarcastic and whimsical blogs there has to be somewhat sarcastic and whimsical things happening to me. And, I guess, most of the time there's not. But, when it comes to Cpt. Nondescript I just want to do as much damage as e-humanly possible. In fact, I am going to change his nickname one more time (I swear) to Manic Panic. Not that I want to dis the hair dye, but, believe me it fits.

So Manic Panic hasn't had a relationship in over 2 years. And his longest relationship lasted about 3 months. Clue #1 I suppose, and I certainly know why now. But, I have so much experience and know so much about my heart and therefore myself (italics represent that tone of "little did I know") that I apparently felt confident enough to push along with him. And boy did I have to push. He freaked out the first time saying he was afraid of me. That's literally what he said. He called me up late one night, said he couldn't sleep and that that was why. I'm like, you better come up with some other explanation because not only am I completely confused but I think I may want to punch you in the face. Type of thing. He then tried to explain that he was "emotionally afraid" and for the first time I think possibly ever, I was speechless. Not that I always have something to say, and by no means am I saying what I say is always right, but I usually have a quick reaction in SOME way. Not this time. I think at that moment my brain was trying to tell me that this was not worth it and I needed to get out as quickly as possible, but that "little did I know" tone came back and I just had to be the one with all the answers and suggestions and solutions. Over the next few days we talked. And talked. And fucking talked. Well, actually I talked and he just whined. It was left at him needing to think and then a few days later he showed up at my house saying that he had just never gotten this far connected to someone and got a little scared. I thought and unfortunately said, it's ok.

Yeah, well he freaked out again. And then he said he had "lost romantic feelings for me." I said to him that I'm very good at picking up and discussing emotions and therefore he was the one to blame. Because not only did I pick up on him always being all over me, wanting to cuddle, needing to always be touching me in some way, doing this, doing that... but he was saying things like, "Well, I don't think we're ready to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but I want more." Pardon? You fat fuck? What the hell. I was getting more annoyed by the minute and even though I know I'm quite capable of "taking the weight" (thank you Ozzy), I was becoming more aware that Manic Panic was SOOOO not worth it. I started to do that whole talking thing again after freak out #2, but spent some time thinking. I included my past, present and future in all this thinking. I included conversations with other people, including The One (which actually helped, imagine that). Basically, I realized I didn't have to fret over saying fuck off because Manic Panic is just that, and insecure, timid, immature. It literally was just not worth it. I realized it wasn't worth it to feel insulted that a fucked up son of a bitch like him had no "feelings" for me, because my "feelings" for him never went past oh yeah I guess he's cute. *sigh* Whatever. That is over and done with. He was technically a part of my Halloween costume of characters, and he did show up, but he didn't really talk to any of us and one of my besties (who gets the nickname of Spaz) kept him company until he finally left. It was awkward and weird and the air felt heavy when he was there, but, it was Halloween. I danced, I sang, I got drunk and I had a fucking blast.

The other thing is another reason why I had a fucking blast. I made the conscious but split decision to text someone and invite them out with us that night (Halloween, in case you forgot in a matter of seconds). This is one time I really wish I could explain the nicknames fully, because this one is fucking hysterical, but this person will be called Passion Fruit. He will be called Passion Fruit. PF is an ex-boyfriend. We dated when I was a senior in high school, and for about 2 years. Since then, we would pop up in each other's lives time and time again. There was always something there, and we sometimes talked endlessly about getting back together. It was never constant and we'd drift off again, but we'd still come back like magnets. Well, the first time the getting back together idea was really strongly enforced was when I was still dating The One, so that was obviously not gonna happen. I, unlike the Asshole, do not cheat. The second time, however, The One and I weren't together anymore, but, there was still something that I couldn't get past so once again nothing happened. After all that thinking, and stuff, I realized that it was just emotional and mental stuff I had to physically get past and then all the chains were broken. So, there happened the conscious but split decision. I was going to invite PF out and tell him that I wanted to give us a try.

Well, I invited him. He came out. (I have to say it) We totally made out twice in the parking lot (which must have been weirdly funny considering what I was dressed up as). We talked. We drank. We sang. We had fun. I had fucking fun. It was an incredible Halloween. After Vodka Man's show we went to another show of our friends and hung there for a bit (which was sometime between 2 and 3am). Then me, PF, Vodka Man and Grumpy (Vodka Man's "ex bastard") went to a diner to get food. Oh! So backtracking a tad... on our way to the other show I seriously had to pee. It was only 5 or 6 blocks to the other bar but I had to go right then. So I pulled into a gas station and me and Vodka Man went in ('cause I didn't wanna get killed or anything) and their bathroom "wasn't working." Yeah right. So Vodka Man bought a roll of toilet paper and I totally pee'd by their dumpster! HAHAHAHAHA I'm sorry I've never done that before. I was smashed and really had to pee! Happy Halloween motherfucker! Fix your loo!

Anyway, after the diner we all split and PF and I drove back to my house (his car was there). We had silence and a few tickle fests and more making out and the sun came up and he left around 6:30. We text since then and basically, I've said most of all I've wanted to, and he is thinking. I just really hope it's not too late (which unfortunately I never considered) because, once again, why would all of this have played out the way it has (and I don't just mean Halloween night) if there wasn't a reason? So, I'm waiting. And I'm going mad in the process. Honestly, I'll be in completely and utter shock if he declines. And I don't know how I'll handle it. Wow. I think I just scared myself...

Ok, well, that was long. But that's all I wanted to include really. I hope y'all (aka our one reader) had a magickal Halloween and remember, if someone says their bathroom is broken just because it's late at night, pee somewhere on their property! LOL. Bitchin'.

UJ