I'm a bad girl....

...and no, I'm not talking about the "whoops, I did something bad" kind of "bad girl"... I'm talking about the "Holy Fucking Hell I can't deal with the girly-ness of this situation!" kind of "bad girl". (And, fuck me, that was a lot of quotations in one sentence!)

See... here's the thing. I don't have girl friends. Well, that's not 100% true. I have a few close girl friends. Enough that I think I can count them all on one hand...maybe.. Let's see, there's...
1) Union Jane - my bestest bestie Naked Robber in the world
2) Roomie - my old roommate whom I've known for.ev.er.
3) Sheboygan - who's like an older sister that I never had
4) Schoolie - my classmate whom I somehow 'adopted' (lol)
5) Short Shit - my actual real life little sis
6) Sis - a girl I've known since birth

and.. uh.. that might be about it. I mean, I have other girls that I am friendly with, but I wouldn't say I'd want them in my wedding (lol).

Herein lies the issue. I don't do 'girl drama' well. It's not that I don't care. It's that I tend to say the wrong thing. Not even the wrong thing really. I have this problem where I say the honest thing and then sometimes girls get all more dramatic about it and apparently I'm "not helping" when in all reality I'm helping them MORE. But no one sees that. Most girls want a girl friend who will lie and tell them what they want to hear. Sorry. No can do. I can sorta kinda fib in some circumstances but if you're going to ask "what would CB do?" Well... CB is gonna fucking tell you. (LOL....I can't help it.)

Bear with me whilst I give you an example:

Schoolie has this new man in her life. Schoolie also has had some pretty dramatic relationships in her past. She likes to ask me lots and lots and fucking lots of questions about said relationships and she then proceeds to look at me like I'm fucking CRAZY when I tell her honestly what I think. So I stopped giving her advice. She says, "What do I say to him?" I say, "Tell him to get naked, hump a donkey and post pictures on the internet." She says, "WTF? No! I'm not telling him that!" I say, "Well then don't ask me what to tell him." I know that it's mean, but I can't be in her relationship for her. I just don't have that kind of fucking time on my hands. Plus, the guys she dates are totally not my style so it just wouldn't work out (lol).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, in most cases, I'm a decent friend. I don't try to be mean. I give honest advice. I give good ego boosts when they're needed. So... if I say, "Well, you're awesome and super hot and any guy should be dragging himself at your feet and worshipping you." Then, I mean that you're awesome and super hot and any guy should be dragging himself at your feet and worshipping you. But don't ask me what to say to a guy if you can't figure something out because if I'm having a particularly random-question-filled-day... then it might not be something you would want to repeat. :-)

~Classy Bitch