Happy goddamn New Year

Well, so much for our dreams of becoming famous and witty bloggers. Yeah, that wasn't our dream, but it's good to know that actual lives have been keeping us from blogging, and not the fact that our mom's kicked us out of the basement and we haven't been able to find a Starbucks with free wi-fi. It's been many-a-moon since I've posted, but I see that my partner in crime let loose about New Year's Eve and all its so called glory... so I will re-introduce myself to another year of meaning-to-blog-but-never-getting-around-to-it in the same fashion. I also want to say that anything I mention about other people religion-wise does not directly reflect my own views and opinions. Oo, I should write DVD warnings...

31 Dec 2005: On the 28th of December, the Asshole came home from work and told me he was leaving. Completely out of the blue, no explanations. Of course, I eventually found out he was giving the finger to the God he supposedly asked into his heart and therefore extending that finger to our marriage (not reflecting my opinion) by cheating on me with his fat ex (does reflect my opinion). But, back then I was shocked and went through one of the most horrible periods of time in my life thus far. So, New Year's Eve '05 was spent doing sound for one of the bands my parents are in. I got paid so in retrospect it could have been worse, but I didn't care that night. I was incredibly uncomfortable, sitting in a romantically lit room at a seemingly expensive settlement for older people, watching a bunch of couples dance on one of my favorite holidays. I racked up a $70 bill for texting my best friend at the time because I couldn't stand it. My mom came over to me at midnight and I think I said something snotty and didn't even look up. I feel really bad about it now, but I was using all my self control that night not to... I don't know... throw champagne at someone. This was also quite possibly the first time I ever really considered becoming a full out lesbian.

31 Dec 2006: I had been seeing someone since the Spring of '06 and he has since earned the title of "worst boyfriend ever." I knew it for a while when we were dating but I stayed with him. Probably because I had just gotten divorced and I inadvertently had to not let anything fail like that again. Or something. The point is when New Year's rolled around, WBE was MIA. Again, as he liked to do very often. I went to a bowling alley with my friend and her friend, but we couldn't bowl until after midnight since they had sold tickets for parties. I can't remember if we actually bowled or not but we spent most of the night, and the big countdown, in the eating area sipping free champagne from a plastic champagne fountain thing. I think WBE called me before midnight, but I missed it, freaked out, called him back and he didn't answer. Also something he did often. I remember thinking that having a crap New Year's was becoming a ritual, and I wasn't happy with that.

31 Dec 2007: I started dating someone in May of '07. It was finally a real relationship and we were very happy for the first year or so. Only problem was that I had yet to be fully introduced to his, we'll call them, "tendencies." Wait, do I have a name for this guy? I seem to remember naming him The One, but that sure as hell ain't gonna fly anymore, so let's just settle it and call him Heartless. There are so many insulting names I could pick from, but the song Heartless is my ringtone for him and I couldn't decide otherwise. Anywhore... it was our first New Year's together and what do we do? We go to a fucking Holiday Inn because him and his brothers and all their friends and all their skanks go there for karaoke all the time and they know everyone. What do I do? I sit there, smiling and nodding if one of the two, maybe three, people there who are nice to me say something, and get ignored by Heartless all night. He gets drunk like he always does and stops to say something to me every now and then, but I just sit there, watching him flirt and dance with everyone but me. It was unfortunately the beginning of a very long and painful second year of mostly the same shit, except getting progressively worse.

31 Dec 2008: New Year's #2 with Heartless. I had tried to make a stand to do something I wanted because of what happened the previous year (not to mention how things had been going in our relationship between the two dates), but he wouldn't have it. We went to his brothers house for another night of him getting drunk, flirting and stopping by where I was sitting - by myself, the whole night - to tell me to cheer up or "fucking smile." He was the last person to kiss me after midnight. After. I decided that I had a headache and left as quickly as I could. I cried on my drive home and couldn't believe he had ruined it again. (Yes, yes, I know at that point I should have believed it because for some reason our stupid relationship lasted for almost 2 years and I had plenty of time to wise up and leave. Point taken, now fuck off.)

31 Dec 2009: I had just started seeing someone I met at a bar that I frequent (and no I don't frequent bars for that, or for drinking, so stop judging me). I guess you could call it dating. I said it from the beginning, he's fucking crazy, and I shouldn't have gotten involved, but I did. We didn't spent New Year's together. I went out with friends and he had to work. I guess it was neither good or bad, but it was just another year that didn't break the cycle, although it came much closer. I guess it's just bad looking back because the guy turned out to be a freak, a cokehead, a liar, a fucked up mess and he really hurt me. It's all over now and it kind of seems like a bad dream, but I guess I should be thankful that I'm still moving further away from that first horrible New Year's.

UJ x

Ghosts of New Year's Past (updated)

In my attempt to be all "WHOO IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE LET'S GET CRUNK UP IN HERE! WHOO! WHOO! HEY YA'LL IT'S ANOTHER NEW YEAR! WHOO!" (lmao at myself) I would like to mention how I've spent the last half dozen New Year's Eves.

31 Dec 2003: Lived in the 'plex and had a party with all the roomies. Our friend's band played downstairs and all the drinking was to be maintained upstairs. (FYI- I was 18) I got wasted, my ex-boyfriend showed up. I told him to fuck off and then proceeded to get even more drunk and make-out with one of my roommate's friends. The TV got unplugged in the middle of the countdown so we just guessed and yelled Happy New Year. OH! AND my friend/neighbor across the street stopped by and scared the guy who answered the door. I believe the scene played out like this:

Roomie: "I swear, whoever the fuck is knocking on this fucking door is gonna..."

Friend/Neighbor standing behind door. ( I better add that he is a very large Hispanic man... very large. )

Roomie: "Hello Sir."

Me (drunk and sitting on the floor): *laughing hysterically* "Hi 'friend/neighbor'"

Then we started the infamous prank war.

31 Dec 2004: Dyed my hair black. Got convinced into going to a party at a friend's house. Proceeded to say hi to the same people 3 or 4 times before they realized who I was. Drove my friend to the gas station because she was wasted and wanted milk and tortilla chips. Tried to have a 'theme song' at midnight but we all go so excited that we made the cd skip 3 times. Gave up and just yelled Happy New Year. Got kissed on the cheek by a friend, who I ended up sorta smooching on later. Went home at like 3 am.

31 Dec 2005: Was with "The ex" (aka - Fuckhead). Went out to dinner with him and one of my friends. His roommate was home so the 4 of us drank 2 bottles of champagne and then passed out around 2.

31 Dec 2006: For some reason I can't remember this one. This would be the first year that I was legal to go out and drink but I don't think I did that. Must not have been very exciting. Moving on.

**UPDATE: I literally had to ask a friend what happened that night and now I remember. I got in a fight with Fuckhead because he didn't want to go out by my friends for a party. So me and my old roomie went to the party without Fuckhead for a little while. I had maybe 1 drink and then we left. We watched some fireworks at my neighbors house around midnight and that was about it.**

31 Dec 2007: Made plans to go out with my roomie at the time and her family. Tried to talk my current boyfriend, DS to go out with us but he didn't want to intrude. Drank at the bar and listened to a band that we liked. Ran into my sister's band director from summer marching band (he's my age LOL). Hugged him, the roomie and the fam at midnight, got a text/voicemail from DS (no service in the bar). Called DS at 12:02 to say Happy New Year. Went home at bar close.

31 Dec 2008: DS and I didn't really want to go out and get wasted so we went and saw Benjamin Button and then went home and watched the countdown on TV. Quiet, but good.

This year, DS and I are planning to go grab some dinner and then maybe have a few drinks. Nothing huge. But it should be good. :-)

xoxo
Classy Bitch

So please, don't text while you drive...

I should be spoiled, but I'm not. My dad's side is Jewish and my mom was raised Catholic and now they're both... uh, neither one of those. So yeah, I celebrate my Jew power in my own special ways. And with CB's help of course. I haven't posted in over a month because the end of my semester was crazy busy, so here are my top 3 (maybe 4, or 5) things I'd like to talk about:

One. I'm not going to post anything about the person I said I was going to. I think I'm continuing to get over it and honestly, it's not worth building it up again. Maybe one day, but I don't need to acknowledge what a horrible person he is inside and out, when most people who know me already know that, and those that don't, don't need to. So, just trust me (CB can vouch on this), and this Christmas, give some money to some disease curing charity, and maybe one of them will find a cure for him.

Two. What the FUCKING HELL is the point of a doorbell? I mean, do they not look familiar to people nowadays? Do they not know how to use them? What they do? I mean, mine even glows for fuck's sake. 3 times in the last week people have come to my door and first they ring the bell. Then ring again. Then they knock! That's going to get my attention better?? Then the idiots who came by today knocked and knocked and knocked. Like, you break my window you die asshole. And they always try to open the screendoor, to what? Knock on my other door. REALLY? Holy fucking donkey balls Batman. I don't know if you get what I'm saying here but I wanted to open the door and scream FUCK OFF really loud. Or just yell thru the walls that I wasn't going to open the door anyways but am REALLY not going to now because you're STUPID. *nod* I rarely open my front door for anyone, but jesus christ if you've been standing there for 10 minutes and I am home and haven't opened, I don't want to open it for you! And if you've been standing there for 10 minutes and I'm not home, then you're dumb and I hope you slip down my stairs.

Three. On a positive note, my neighbor came over with his snowblower and finished my driveway and sidewalk for me, thank god. I was so not looking forward to shoveling. I got about 1/4 of it done and I got slower and slower. I just did it all 2 days ago. I do like snow, tho, unlike CB. But I think there should be heaters underneath streets, walkways, driveways, etc. So it can Charlie Brown snow all it wants and stay on the grass all pretty, but melt where it needs to. Oh it would totally work.

Ok so maybe there was just 3 things.

Happy Chrismakkah!!

...and no I'm not trying to be politically correct. I'm "spoiled". Since my father's side of my family is Catholic and my mother's side of my family is Jewish.... I get both damn it. And by the way, when you're a kid, it seems all awesome and great cuz HOLY SHIT you get 8 days of presents AND you get Christmas. Holy awesome-ness of a shit ton of gifts right!? Yeah, well when you get old... it's really not about the presents. (But shit, they're still fun!) That's when all that shit just gets confusing. I mean really, how do you raise a kid to have to different religions? Talk about a walking contradiction!

Anywhore, in daily news, here's what's going on.

I get to take my last final for this semester on Tuesday. Then, my friend Yupper and I are going to go get a drink (or 2, or 3) to celebrate the semester being over. I'm thinking Long Islands, woo! Then on Thursday DS and I are driving back to Less Far Away for Christmas. And I think that last night I volunteered us to make dinner. Which is fine, because dinner was looking a little dull and we weren't feeling it so I casually mentioned we could make something to go with it and somehow I managed to decide that we'd just make the whole damn thing. Whoops! But DS likes to cook and I like to cook and my sister wants to help cook so it really shouldn't be that bad to be honest.

Oh! And I got new boots! I have needed real winter boots for the last 2 winters. I have these plaid galoshes that keep the water and the snow off but I'll tell you, they aren't warm AT ALL! I live in the Midwest ya'll... it gets fucking COLD!! And the snow! I HATE snow. So basically I was doubling up on socks to make up for the lack of warmth. So this year I decided that since DS bought me a super duper cute new coat that I was definitely getting real boots. The ones I wanted were..well, not cheap.. but yesterday we went to the mall (yes, we are crazy sons-a-bitches) and I saw the boots I wanted for way not expensive! Plus! They were actually taller than the original ones. CB is happy!! And... ok.... so I hate the trend of tucking pants into boots. Mostly because I CANNOT pull it off. I can't make it look cute. Sucks! But, I can tuck my pants into these (cuz who besides me hates having wet jeans!) and I don't look like a moron. Super Plus!

And then... last night, DS and I were discussing my new boots at Best Buy (yes...I was THAT excited about boots!) and talking about how you can't really walk heel-toe when it's all snowy out because it's slippery and that's how you fall on your ass, you have to kinda 'march' so that you maintain some fucking traction... whatever. And THEN! Oh em gee.... couldn't have been more perfect timing. The dude walking directly in front of us took one heel-toe step off the rug onto the tile in Best Buy and he BUSTED HIS SHIT! Now, this makes me a terrible, bad person because no, I did not stop to make sure he was ok, 2 Best Buy employees were right there and they jumped to his aid and really... what the hell was I going to do. Plus (not that it makes it better) he was an able-bodied man. If it was an old guy, I would have stopped and made sure he didn't break a hip or something. So DS looks at me and he goes "See.... weren't we JUST talking about that. Wasn't he listening?" Which made me laugh. Because he was right. And to be honest, it's always funny when someone falls. I laugh when I fall all the time.

And now today, I'm going to take DS's presents out of hiding and wrap them along with all the other presents I haven't wrapped yet. And I need stamps. How exciting. Ah, well.

~Classy Bitch

Missed call

I'm struck with a decision to call or not to call. And in order to understand why I guess I need to give a little background.

I have a friend..let's call him Impossible. I've known Impossible for about 7-8 years. We started talking because I had another friend who thought he was cute and wanted to get to know him. After a year or so, we got closer and hung out a lot more and we would drive an hour or so to visit each other. Long story short, we had a really close relationship for about 2 years and then a big misunderstanding led us to stop talking for a year. We bumped into each other on-line and straightened the whole mess out and started talking more often. At that point, he had moved to another state to live with a family member and his then g/f. Over the next few years we would call and IM and still be friendly to each other. Then in 2007 he came up to visit a lot of people and included me on his list of stops. I made him the deal that I would go and visit him where he was living when I had the money available. That was also about the time when I was having a falling out in the relationship I was in. Impossible was someone I talked to very frequently about the situation (as I had in other past relationships...we could count on each other for support and advice). A few months later I had planned my vacation to visit Impossible for a weekend and about the same time, I had started dating DS. The trip kind of opened my eyes about him since he seemed to have the idea that much more was going to happen than a friend coming to visit. He never out right did anything or say anything about it, but I could tell. I came home and we still talked every few weeks. He had moved back up to the state I was living in but we never made plans to visit.

To bring this forward to the more current situation. Almost a year ago, I got a call from Impossible which if I remember was him telling me he was moving back to where he was living when I visited him. Then the phone call took a turn to discussing DS. Apparently, Impossible had really strong opinions about DS even though he had never met him. After defending my b/f and telling Impossible that he had no place to say those things he proceeded to tell me that he knew me better than anyone and a bunch of other crap that pissed me off. Since then, I haven't spoken to him. I decided that if he wasn't even willing to give my b/f a chance and meet him, that I didn't really want to talk to him or see him. And I haven't. I even removed him as a friend from certain website accounts.

Recently, Impossible has been calling and texting me but I haven't responded. He hasn't left any voicemails, but he's called at least 2-3 times. Part of me wants to answer and hear what he wants to say. Part of me knows that if I do answer, I probably won't be very nice. I wonder if I should speak to him and tell him exactly why he hasn't heard from me in so long. I also wonder if it makes me a bad friend because I just up and abandoned the friendship. *shrug* I guess I just have to wait and see if I feel ready to discuss the situation with him.

Funny Conversations with Doc Sexy

Laying in bed:



me: "I wonder who decided that they should be called Boobies?"


DS: "Maybe they should be call Yay-bies, cuz it's like Yay, Boobies!"


me: "Yeah, but maybe that sounds too much like Rabies or Scabies."


DS: "Then they'd think you were itchy or foaming or something"


me: "Bad idea...."


DS: "Or.. how bout Awebies, cuz they're awesome!"


me: *blink* *blink* "That sounds like you have a speech impediment."


DS: "Like 'Let's go to Awby's'...ooh.. curly fries from Awby's!"

Watching a movie:

me: "That seems like a good strategy to organize things."

DS: "What, have a fat cop do it?"

me: "No, the 'find a hole and just stick it in'."

DS: "heh heh.... yeeeaaaaahhh."

me: "OMG, that's not what I meant!"

Piece of mind

So, the other day something happened and in the nights that followed I got this idea to write a huge "piece" as a way of (hopefully) relieving some of the anger and hurt that continuously befalls me because of the other person involved. And, because after all the shit I've put up with, I feel I have every right to get it all off my chest and dis said other person to high fucking heaven and send it into the void of the internet cosmos so it can all float away into nothing. Because frankly, I'm so bloody tired of said other person, and honestly, he deserves it. Yes, he'll probably never hear a lot of the stuff straight from my mouth (tho my spine came out of hiding once or twice in the last few months) but I'm done caring about whether or not it really affects him (mainly because nothing will ever affect him to the point of realizing what a FUCKING IDIOT he is, and he'll continue on being the way he is and I'm done being a part of that!!!). Breathe... Ok so the point is, I am going to write this "piece" and post it. I'm not sure when I'll get to it but I'm going to do it. And who knows, maybe I will end up feeling better. I just have so much validity stored up inside me from how I've suffered that if I don't just go crazy and pour out the overflowing mess I will probably become stupidly jaded about things and I don't want to go there. I need to continue to move on and cross the point of no return, which I know is out there, I just have to keep trying to get to it. I need to be over said other person. He doesn't deserve anything from me, ever again. Least of all anything emotional on my part. (And I don't mean suffering in the "oo pity me I'm a victim" type of way... if you think that after you've read my stuff about it all then you can fuck yourself because you've obviously never dated a jerk).

I, however, am going out to dinner shortly and have to get ready, but I don't want to leave off in such a negative way (just you wait, Union Jane...), so here are a few things that annoy me, continuing CB's loverly list. Enjoy!

• Blackened fingers after holding a newspaper
• Old people who shouldn't have a license (that's a list in itself!)
• Cellphone cameras that are pretty good... but not that good
• The fact that my DVD player always pauses around 1 hr and 15 mins every time I use it
• Missing one of my shows because I set the VCR too early or because my mom forgot until 45 mins in
• How it's apparently a new rule for every fucking employee to say hello to you in JC Penney
• High sizes in women's shoes = sinfully ugly styles and 90% less selection
• People who take up the entire aisle at a store and either a) walk at the speed of a snail or b) stand there and expect you to go around them, with the accompanying dumbass look on their face
• Christmas decorations up since BEFORE Halloween
• Horrible versions of Christmas songs being blasted at ridiculous volumes
• Stores within stores competing with horrible versions of Christmas songs being blasted

There. I feel a little more relaxed now. *laugh* Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. I also love Christmas music. In fact, I turn on the Christmas radio station in my car and don't turn it off (not even change it) until December 26th. Even if they play a horrible version of something. (Granted, that's usually when some Mannheim Steamroller goes into my CD player.) OMG but anyway, I love Halloween more and I do not appreciate the ignoring of my holiday. Stupid malls. What the fuck was I talking about? Right so, lists are fun. I'm way too amused by the bulleting it does for you. Coming soon to this blog: The Piece.

UJ

P.S. I think I may do some editing to our page too. It's annoying me as well, for some reason.