The Burning Truth

My sincerest apologies for not posting anything on the 31st! In which case...

HAPPY BELATED HALLOWEEN!!!

Ok so there's quite a bit to update on and I will try to keep it as entertaining as possible. First, tho, the magnificent blogger website isn't letting me post any comments right now... so... to my loverly CB I say that you will do fine and get those B's in your classes. And if not, we will break into the school and change your grades. I've always wanted to wear a ski mask... And also in response to Dingo's last comment on my other blog, I would have probably been able to be way more creative if I wasn't trying to Halloween-ize the nickname of Union Jane. Such is life. No wait, such is anonymous blogging.

So when did I last mention Cpt. Nondescript? Does anyone even care? I certainly don't. I've realized that in order to continuously post extremely sarcastic and whimsical blogs there has to be somewhat sarcastic and whimsical things happening to me. And, I guess, most of the time there's not. But, when it comes to Cpt. Nondescript I just want to do as much damage as e-humanly possible. In fact, I am going to change his nickname one more time (I swear) to Manic Panic. Not that I want to dis the hair dye, but, believe me it fits.

So Manic Panic hasn't had a relationship in over 2 years. And his longest relationship lasted about 3 months. Clue #1 I suppose, and I certainly know why now. But, I have so much experience and know so much about my heart and therefore myself (italics represent that tone of "little did I know") that I apparently felt confident enough to push along with him. And boy did I have to push. He freaked out the first time saying he was afraid of me. That's literally what he said. He called me up late one night, said he couldn't sleep and that that was why. I'm like, you better come up with some other explanation because not only am I completely confused but I think I may want to punch you in the face. Type of thing. He then tried to explain that he was "emotionally afraid" and for the first time I think possibly ever, I was speechless. Not that I always have something to say, and by no means am I saying what I say is always right, but I usually have a quick reaction in SOME way. Not this time. I think at that moment my brain was trying to tell me that this was not worth it and I needed to get out as quickly as possible, but that "little did I know" tone came back and I just had to be the one with all the answers and suggestions and solutions. Over the next few days we talked. And talked. And fucking talked. Well, actually I talked and he just whined. It was left at him needing to think and then a few days later he showed up at my house saying that he had just never gotten this far connected to someone and got a little scared. I thought and unfortunately said, it's ok.

Yeah, well he freaked out again. And then he said he had "lost romantic feelings for me." I said to him that I'm very good at picking up and discussing emotions and therefore he was the one to blame. Because not only did I pick up on him always being all over me, wanting to cuddle, needing to always be touching me in some way, doing this, doing that... but he was saying things like, "Well, I don't think we're ready to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but I want more." Pardon? You fat fuck? What the hell. I was getting more annoyed by the minute and even though I know I'm quite capable of "taking the weight" (thank you Ozzy), I was becoming more aware that Manic Panic was SOOOO not worth it. I started to do that whole talking thing again after freak out #2, but spent some time thinking. I included my past, present and future in all this thinking. I included conversations with other people, including The One (which actually helped, imagine that). Basically, I realized I didn't have to fret over saying fuck off because Manic Panic is just that, and insecure, timid, immature. It literally was just not worth it. I realized it wasn't worth it to feel insulted that a fucked up son of a bitch like him had no "feelings" for me, because my "feelings" for him never went past oh yeah I guess he's cute. *sigh* Whatever. That is over and done with. He was technically a part of my Halloween costume of characters, and he did show up, but he didn't really talk to any of us and one of my besties (who gets the nickname of Spaz) kept him company until he finally left. It was awkward and weird and the air felt heavy when he was there, but, it was Halloween. I danced, I sang, I got drunk and I had a fucking blast.

The other thing is another reason why I had a fucking blast. I made the conscious but split decision to text someone and invite them out with us that night (Halloween, in case you forgot in a matter of seconds). This is one time I really wish I could explain the nicknames fully, because this one is fucking hysterical, but this person will be called Passion Fruit. He will be called Passion Fruit. PF is an ex-boyfriend. We dated when I was a senior in high school, and for about 2 years. Since then, we would pop up in each other's lives time and time again. There was always something there, and we sometimes talked endlessly about getting back together. It was never constant and we'd drift off again, but we'd still come back like magnets. Well, the first time the getting back together idea was really strongly enforced was when I was still dating The One, so that was obviously not gonna happen. I, unlike the Asshole, do not cheat. The second time, however, The One and I weren't together anymore, but, there was still something that I couldn't get past so once again nothing happened. After all that thinking, and stuff, I realized that it was just emotional and mental stuff I had to physically get past and then all the chains were broken. So, there happened the conscious but split decision. I was going to invite PF out and tell him that I wanted to give us a try.

Well, I invited him. He came out. (I have to say it) We totally made out twice in the parking lot (which must have been weirdly funny considering what I was dressed up as). We talked. We drank. We sang. We had fun. I had fucking fun. It was an incredible Halloween. After Vodka Man's show we went to another show of our friends and hung there for a bit (which was sometime between 2 and 3am). Then me, PF, Vodka Man and Grumpy (Vodka Man's "ex bastard") went to a diner to get food. Oh! So backtracking a tad... on our way to the other show I seriously had to pee. It was only 5 or 6 blocks to the other bar but I had to go right then. So I pulled into a gas station and me and Vodka Man went in ('cause I didn't wanna get killed or anything) and their bathroom "wasn't working." Yeah right. So Vodka Man bought a roll of toilet paper and I totally pee'd by their dumpster! HAHAHAHAHA I'm sorry I've never done that before. I was smashed and really had to pee! Happy Halloween motherfucker! Fix your loo!

Anyway, after the diner we all split and PF and I drove back to my house (his car was there). We had silence and a few tickle fests and more making out and the sun came up and he left around 6:30. We text since then and basically, I've said most of all I've wanted to, and he is thinking. I just really hope it's not too late (which unfortunately I never considered) because, once again, why would all of this have played out the way it has (and I don't just mean Halloween night) if there wasn't a reason? So, I'm waiting. And I'm going mad in the process. Honestly, I'll be in completely and utter shock if he declines. And I don't know how I'll handle it. Wow. I think I just scared myself...

Ok, well, that was long. But that's all I wanted to include really. I hope y'all (aka our one reader) had a magickal Halloween and remember, if someone says their bathroom is broken just because it's late at night, pee somewhere on their property! LOL. Bitchin'.

UJ